MY HAPPINESS
by rolly21
Summary: SEQUEL TO MY GIRL - FEMSLASH... ADDIE IS BACK, AND NOW ABLE TO SEE THE EFFECTS THAT HER LEAVING HAD ON MEREDITH. BUT WHY DID SHE GO? WHERE DID SHE GO? AND WHERE CAN THEY GO FROM HERE?
1. 6 MONTHS

**Disclaimer: i dont own greys' and if i did, i wouldnt have to be writing on this sight, because you would be watching my material week in and week out.**

**Summary: **

**okay so this is the much anticipated sequel to my girl... we left off with Meredith alone looking after 4 babies.**

**somethings have changed, somethings remain the same, but it doesnt mean we can wake up from this nightmare and be okay.**

**written for b!**

_She doesn't look, she doesn't see  
Opens up for nobody  
Figures out, she figures out  
Narrow line, she can't decide  
Everything short of suicide  
Never hurts, nearly works_

Something is scratching it's way out  
Something you want to forget about

A part of you that'll never show  
You're the only one that'll ever know  
Take it back when it all began  
Take your time, would you understand  
What it's all about  
What it's all about

Something is scratching it's way out  
Something you want to forget about  
No one expects you to get up  
All on your own with no one around

_Something is scratching it's way out  
Something you want to forget about  
No one expects you to get up  
All on your own with no one around_

It had been 6 months:

6 moNths of not seeing her

6 months of having an empty bed

6 months of private photos

6 months of crank calls just to hear her voice.

... And now today, today that was all going to change.

She didnt expect to be welcomed back with open arms.

Didnt expect so much as a smile.

She didnt really expect everything

"6 months" was all she could think.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith closed her eyes as she took in a deep breath. She had a feeling about today. She felt like something was going to happen, and she really didnt need it.

Finally she opened her eyes and gathered up enough strength to open up her car door and move to the back of the car where she removed the 4 person stroller that her father had bought her. She then wheeled it around to the sliding door and began to load her children into it.

It pained her that she was doing this alone. Especially when she unloaded Harry and looked at his feiry red hair.

She ran her hand over his locks before giving him a soft kiss.

She then continued to pack the stroller with everything the babies would need while they were in daycare. Once done, she closed her eyes again, taking in another breath, before locking her car door and moving, with her children, towards the hospital

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

She watched her closely, she could see her pain. She couldn't help but notice how empty she looked. How robotic her movements had become.

She hated that she had turned into a machine, and yet knew, it was all because of her.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGGA

Meredith was greeted at the hospital doors by her father, who was only more than happy that his daughters maternity leave was now finished, but also that she would now have something to keep her mind from wandering.

Richard greeted her with a kiss on the cheek before taking the diaper bag that was hanging off of his daughters shoulder.

He looked up, he could have sworn that someone had been watching them, but he couldn't see anyone.

Forcing a smile, he tried to ignore how hollow his daughter now looked.

They walked through the hospital. Richard was trying to ignore the niggling fact that he had an appointment booked, but with no name supplied for the booking. And Meredith, well she was trying to fight the feeling that was beginning to consume her.

People greeted them, gushed at the babies, and kept moving. Meredith faked a smile, knowing that people had been talking about Addie's disappearance, and about the person she had become.

They dropped the babies off at the day care. Meredith was very thorough, handing over the schedule for her children, with feeding times and nap times allocated.

Meredith couldn't help but e nervous with the fact that she was leaving her children. She had not spent a day apart from them, she had never left them with anyone. They were all she had left.

Trying to keep her emotions under control, she straightened her shoulders, and Richard watched as her face turned stone cold. He eyes glazed over with a darkness he had never seen before.

Richard gestured that they needed to leave, and guided her out of the room.

He knew that he needed to make it to the appointment that he had scheduled. Regretting this, he left his daughter at the residents lounge to meet with her friends, knowing that they had to find a way to brig her back to life.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

She sat inside his office. She knew that he would fight her presence, and with the state Meredith was in, she could very well understand it. But she was back. That was the important factor here, she was back, and now that was all that mattered.

She heard the door open and she closed her eyes in anticipation. She knew that the person had stopped on recognising her.

"Addison" he said in shock.

"Richard" she replied, and tried to smile despite the fact that she was still very much broken.


	2. it's not enough

"What are you doing here?" Richard asked her as he moved to sit in front of her.

"My maternity leave finishes today" Addie replied nervously.

"You walk out on my daughter and your children and you expect me to let you walk back in here?" Richard asked. He couldn't fight the anger that was building inside.

"I am back Richard. I have a contract here. Legally i have a job here." Addie replies. She's looking down at her hands now, scared that he wont take her back. Scared that he is going to have to know the truth. That she's going to have to tell him where she's been and why before she gets a chance to explain it to her wife.

"You were legally supposed to have been on Maternity leave, but you haven't been with your children." Richard stated.

"Please Dad" Addie said as she tried to fight her fears. "I had a reason for leaving. I need to be here. I need to see them. I love her. I love them."

Richard did not want to see her tears. He did not want to acknowledge her pain because all he could remember was his daughters face this morning when she was dropping the little ones off at day care.

"I cant" he told her.

"I'm the best there is." Addie pleaded.

"Not anymore" he murmured as he ran his hands through his hair.

Addie wiped her tears from her eyes with one hand as the other reached into her bag for a file. "This will explain everything Richard." She told him as she handed the file over.

Richard looked down at the file but didn't open it. "Whats this?" he asked.

Addie closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. "My medical record." She stated as she tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

"Why do i need this?" Richard asked nervously.

"Because they'll explain everything." She said as she moved to stand.

"Where are you going now?" Richard asked awkwardly.

"I have another appointment." She told him as she wiped her tears away.

Richard looked at her baffled.

"Read the file. Hopefully then you will understand." She said softly. "I'll be back for our 12o'clock appointment."

"I don't have a 12o'clock appointment." Richard protested.

"You do now." She sighed as she walked out of her room and to the elevators, heading for her next appointment.

GAGAGAGAGAGA GAGAGAGAGAGAGA GAGAGAGAGAGA

"Okay, so I've read your file, and i understand the progress that you have made." Dr Wyatt said.

Addie nodded.

"Now are you sure you are ready for this session?" Dr Wyatt asked with concern.

Addie nodded. "She had a right to know." She told her.

Dr Wyatt nodded as there was a knock at the door. "Come in." She called.

In walked Meredith, pale and thin. "I was paged here, I'm assuming for a consult.' Meredith stated as she looked around the room, her eyes landing on Addie.

"Oh my god." She murmured as she went to turn and leave.

"Dr Grey wait." Dr Wyatt spoke, causing Meredith to pause.

"I understand these last 6 months have been hard. You've been alone because Dr Montgomery walked out on you, but all i'm asking is for you to hear her out."

Meredith closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I can't" she finally spoke.

"Please" Addie pleaded from behind her. "Sweetie please hear me out."

Meredith turned to look at her wife before looking back at Dr Wyatt. "I'm working shorter shifts. I have to pick up the kids soon." She said half heartedly. "I can't" she said again.

Meredith moved to the door and went to open it.

"Please Mer i love you." Addie pleaded, and Meredith turned and looked at her with cold eyes.

"I guess that is why you've been gone for 6 months. Yeah, that makes sense."

Addie let out a sob as Meredith turned, tears slowly trickling down her cheeks as she walked out of the room.

GAGAGAGA GAGAGAGA GAGAGAGA GAGAGAGA GAGAGA

Richard had read the file. He was completely baffled by what he had read, and what it meant for Meredith and her family. He knew that there was no way to erase Meredith's pain, or the pain Addie was obviously feeling.

All he knew was that he needed to help them. Both of them. One way or another. He couldn't help but be of the outcome. He knew that he could come close to losing his daughter, but the way he saw it, he practically had. She was not herself without Addie and that's the only thing he was completely sure of.

GAGAGAAGAGAG GAGAGAGAGAGA GAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith sat at home. Her children all in their bouncers with their favourite toys.

She could not keep her mind off of Addie. It had hurt so much to see her today. She had loved her with all her heart, and now all that she had left was given to their children.

She held the cushion close to her chest, as she thought back to how pale her wife had been. She couldn't help but ask herself why? Why did she leave, and why come back now?"

Meredith fought back the tears that were building in her eyes. She longed for the numb feeling. For an escape from the current world she's been in, and yet, now she has no idea how.

Looking over at her children, their children, Meredith had no idea how they were surviving, and as she began to contemplate that, the doorbell rang.

She put her pillow down and reluctantly dragged herself to answer the door.

She did not smile or acknowledge her father's presence, she simply let him inside. Only to then see that he was accompanied by the person who had been consuming her thoughts.

Meredith dropped her hand from the door and followed her father back into the lounge room, ignoring Addie completely.

GAGAGAGAGAGA GAGAGAGAGAGAGA GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith sat quietly, for the first time in a long time unable to control the emotions that whirled within her.

She had heard her father. Barely acknowledging the extra presence in the room as he explained why her wife had been away from her.

Tears spilled over her cheeks as she tried to just focus on her babies as Richard kept his arms firmly around ehr.

"Your brothers have been told." Her father said softly. "i know its going to be hard to forgive her Mer, but you understand she ahd her reasons."

Meredith kept her eyes on her babies while her mind completely wandered.

"Cancer" Richard had told her, "coupled with depression."

It wasn't the best combination. That was something Meredith had known for sure. Meredith had had Addie by her side throughout her own journey with leukaemia, and Addie obviously hadn't wanted her there.

"It's not enough" Meredith finally murmured.

She fought hard to keep her tears at bay as she turned to look at Addie.

"Obviously our love wasn't enough." She stammered as she stood and walked towards the kitchen, just needing to be in a completely different room.


	3. imperfect

****

Addie watched Meredith leave and knew instantly that she should follow her. It seemed as though Richard was thinking along the same lined as he encouraged her to do so too.

She moved to stand, looking at her children before following Meredith into the kitchen.

She moved into the room and closed the doors so Meredith wouldn't have a point of exit.

Meredith was standing at the sink. Addie could see that she was pretending to clean.

Addie sighed.

"Meredith" she said softly as she started to undo the buttons on her coat. Stripping it off and throwing it over the chair closest to her.

"Mer" she said again, this time as she started ti undo her blouse.

Still Meredith didn't turn around. Addie threw her blouse down on the table.

"I need to show you something Meredith. Please turn around." she prompted as she removed her singlet.

Addie closed her eyes, not wanting to even look at herself, let alone show the person she loved the most.

"Fine, you dont want to look. But at least you can listen." Addie said as tears started to form.

"Two months" Addie said at first. "Two months before i give birth, i was diagnosed with cancer, breast cancer." Addie told her.

"I had found the lump when i was examining myself in the shower. I didnt want to tell you because we were finally getting our dream. Everytime i went to tell you, i found a reason why i couldn't. You see Mer i didnt want you to see them rip my body apart. Take away a part of me that was meant to nourish our children. I was taking a rish Mer, i was playing with out lives. So i did some research Mer. I needed to find a place who could treat me straight after giving birth. Somewhere that would be a place you wouldn't go looking for me. Somewhere you couldn't see." Addie told her as she noticed Meredith stop completely.

Addie unclasped her bra, skillfully so that she didnt need to look down at her scars.

"I didnt kow the full strength of my diagnosis when i got to Bostons Cancer Clinic at Harvard I didnt know how i could do this without you, but i knew that our kids needed you, and that me... and this... it would be too much for you." Addie continued dangerously.

"I had to have a masectomy, followed by a few rounds of chemo and 6 weeks of Radiotherapy. They cooked me Mer." Addie said shakily.

"My body is scarred, its red raw. It's imperfect and it hurts, but none of it hurt as much as being away from you." she spoke softly now.

"Mer please look at me." Addie said as she was getting ready to beg.

Meredith's shoulders shook and tears stroked down her face as she put down the glass that she had been holding.

She slowly turned around to a sight that had made her gasp.

Where Addie's right breast had been were several bandages.

Meredith slowly moved forward. She wanted to do many things. Her head was racing with thoughts about what she was seeing.

There was her wife's beatuiful milky skinned body, and it was obviously damaged.

Meredith moved closer again, until she was pretty much standing right in front of Addie.

Her hand reached up and began removing the bandages.

"Mer" Addie said warily.

Meredith carefully removed them, one by one, revealing the burnt skin.

Addie's skin was red, the burn marks distinctive as they almost too the attention away from the scar from the masectomy. Meredith very carefully ran her hand over the scar, her fingers tracing the burn lines. She could not believe that someone had done this to the person who was centre of her world. Who was the reason she had once woken up int he morning.

Tracing the lines back again, Meredith could have sworn that she could feel Addie's heart beating under her touch.

"Our love wasn't enough." Meredith finally choked out as she then went to turn away, this being a moment that was causing more pain than waking up and finding Addie gone.

Addie grabbed her on the shoulder and stopped her. "Fuck Mer, cant you see that it was only our love that kept me going. That had me put my body throug such an ordeal. It was knowing that if i could beat this, then i would be coming home to you, and our beautiful children."

Meredith stood there not sure what to say to her.

What could one say to the person who had ran from then when they were most needed.

"I love you Mer, and that coupled with those babies in there is what had me so willing to take such radical treatment." Addie told her, and on still seeing the doubt in her lovers eyes she pulled Meredith to her, and put everything she could into one simple kiss.


	4. anxious

The kiss, such a simple kiss, spoke volumes. It was their first step to mending their broken bridges.

Pulling back shakily Addie looked deep into Meredith's eyes. "I know i shouldn't have left, but i'm back, and we can do this."

"Mer, we're home." Alex called as he and Christina moved into the house.

Addie sighed and reached for her singlet.

"Stay" Meredith whispered.

Addie could see how fragile she was feeling.

"I'm not going anywhere Mer." She said as she grabbed her blouse. "I'm going to go get my things from the car, and take them up to our room." she added.

Meredith nodded and watched as Addie moved tot he door. "Addie" she said quickly before she had gotten too far. "Can you put your stuff in the spare room?" she asked. "I dont think i'm ready to have you back in my bed just yet."

Addie nodded sadly as she left.

Meredith waited a moment as she regained her composure. She then wiped the tears from her face as she heard a knock on her door.

Sighing Meredith then called for them to enter.

In filed Alex, Christia and Richard, each carrying a baby, with Alex carrying too. He had hold of Harry and Lilly while Christina had Lucas and Richard had hold of Skye.

"Their Hungry" Alex said as Meredith reached for Harry. She then led them to the high chairs that they had just started to use.

"Whats on the menu tonight?" Christina asked as she placed Lucas in his high chair before moving to the cupboard.

Meredith closed her eyes and tried to think. "Lilly is having carrots, Harry has Banana , Lucas is eating Aple and Skye has the peas tonight." she told her as Christina then moved to grab the jars out of the cupboard.

Alex moved to grab the spoons, handing one to Richard, Meredith and Christina, and keeping one for himself. They all moved in place, slipping the bibs over the babies heads before begining to feed them.

Meredith had been busy feeding Harry when Sky had began to cry. She sighed and put the spoon she was holding in the jar. "Switch?" she asked her dad.

Richard nodded and put his spoon in the jar and moved to stand in front of harry.

"Thanks" Meredith sighed as she moved to stand in front of Skye. "Oh blossom" She said softly. "Let's get this down." Meredith then picked up the spoon. "Ok baby watch the butterfly." she said as she moved the spoon through the air for her daughter before getting her to eat the peas.

They all heard the kitchen door open and yet none of them turned to acknowledge her.

Addie stood back and watched them work like a well oiled Machine. She was in awe of how they all funcioned. She knew that she should be a part of this. That it should be her feeding one of those babies.

Meredith could feel Addie's emotions without her having said anything. She knew what she should do, but also knew that Skye could be very put off by new people.

Richard could sense Meredith's troubled mind, but wanted to sit back and see how she would choose to deal with the situation.

Meredith closed her eyes and tried to think hard about how to handle the situation. Slowly she opened her eyes and knew exactly to handle the situation.

"Addie" she called softly, and wasn't at all suprised by her promptness to be by herside. "This is skye." she said softly. "I want you to take over."

Addie nodded, while Meredith slowly stood. The others paused to watch the exchange. They all knew how tempremental Sky could be, and was completely worried about the outcome of the exchange.

Addie moved into the seat and picked up the spoon.

"Now Skye's not a fan of many people." Meredith told her. "She tends to be needy. You also need to talk to her. She lieks to hear the sound of your voice."

"Oh ok" Addie replied.

"So pick up the spoon." Meredith prompted.

Addie quickly did so.

Meredith moved n to a position where Skye could not see her, knowing that it might be easier if she focused on Addie in a 1 on 1.

"Ok" Meredith said softly. "You need to offer her the spoon first. Sometimes she will accept it straigt off, othertimes you have to pretend the spoon is a butterfly."

Addie nodded and raised her spoon to Skye's mouth.

Skye moved to slap the spoon away.

Addie closed her eyes and took a deep breath before looking up at Meredith hesitantly.

"You can do this. Talk to her. Your voice will soothe her." Meredith told her.

Addie sighed a little before trying again. "Hey Skye" Addie spoke softly. "Can you please eat this for mommy." she said as she moved the spoon through the air as if it was a butterfly.

Meredith watched anxiously knowing that Addie would be devestated if Skye didn't havesome of the peas. She knew that Addie trying to feed her could possibly be a bad idea, especially with the high possibility that she wouldn't. Meredith moved a little.

Sky slapped the spoon again.

"Come on Addie, try again." Meredith said, not believing the situation she had found herself in. She would never have dreamed that she would be in this situation this morning.

Addie sighed, trying to focus on the task at hand. She could see that Skye was losing focus on her. "Maybe you should take over" Addie suggested.

Meredith shook her head. "No you can do this." she said before looking to her dad to make sre that she was doing the right thing.

Richard gave a nod.

By now the others had almost finished feeding Harry, Lucas and Lily.

Addie sighed as she dipped the spoon in the tiny pot before bringing it back up, ready to try again.

Addie watched as Skye began to pout. She watched as the lip began to wobble.

"Hush now little Skye, watch the little butterfly." Addie said softly as she began to move the spoon. "It's flying through the air with food. There's no need to look so blue."

Addie watched as the spoon got closer to Skye, and how Skye didnt even look at the spoon, and just focused her attention on Addie.

Sky slowly opened her mouth and accepted the food that Addie was offering. Once Addie removed the spoon she looked up Meredith in complete suprise.

Meredith watched as tears came to Addie's eyes.

Meredith smiled softly at her. "Good, not you can get her to finish the rest of the pot."

Addie nodded as Meredith moved to completely sit back, and for the first time ever, she just enjoyed watching her babies be fed.


	5. Addie's promise

There's an awkward silence in the family room. The babies are in the nursery, and the monitor sitting by Meredith's leg. Her father has since left and now Addie sits on the couch beside her wanting to touch her, but being too scared.

Christina and Alex are cuddled up together, both nervous about having Addie back. Both worried about how it will effect Meredith.

Meredith stared blankly at the tv screen. She wasnt even taking in the goings on of the show.

"Mer, we might go to bed." Alex said as he moved to stand.

"What?" Christina hissed

"Come on Yang" he said as he pulled her off of the couch "Lets hit the sack." he said with a wink.

Christina scoffed at his choice of words before turning and casting an apologetic look to Meredith.

Alex grabbed her hand and pulled her from the room.

Meredith then pulled her legs up to her chest, scared about being alone with Addie.

"I'm back at the hospital." Addie murmured.

"Me too" Meredith replied as she looked at Addie.

Meredith then began to fidget with her ring.

"I know" Addie replied.

Meredith nodded, not sure what to say.

"I watched you unload the kids this morning." she said honestly. "You looked rigid... robotic."

Meredith looked down at her hands, before looking back up at Addie. "Dont judge me." she said weakly.

"Your a shadow of yourself." Addie pressed.

Meredith didnt want to hear this. She moved to stand. "You dont get to judge me. You dont get to comment on how i have reacted to the fact that i became a single parent overnight. That a huge chunk of me went missing. That for months i couldnt sleep with out you, or even in our bed."

"You are what i made you." Addie told her." and i'm sorry for that." Addie said as tears welled in her eyes. "I'm sorry that i got cancer, but im not sorry that i left. I hate that i've been away from you. I hate that i have missed their first 6 months, but you wouldnt have been able to handle this. You wouldn't have been able to take care of me and four babies at the same time."

Meredith shook her head. "No, you didnt give me a chance. You didnt trust me to. I had to adapt to looking after 4 babies on my own. I could have adapted to this. You just didnt give me a chance."

Meredith had tears in her eyes. "You didnt give me a chance." she said, "instead you went off alone and let someone rip you apart. Sickness and health Addie. I took a vowel, in sickness and health, nice to know you let me live up to that."

Addie stood there not knowing what to say to Meredith. She opened her mouth several times to say something, but simply closed her mouth again.

Finally gaining the courage to talk they were interrupted by a babies cry. Meredith knew that if she didnt go now then the others will start crying too. So without saying anymore, she just turned and left for the nursery.

Addie heard Meredith enter the nursery. She was speaking softly to one of the babies and Addie couldn't work out which one.

She could hear the softness in her voice, and yet the pain was still present from their conversation just moments ago. Addie had never considered the fact that Mer could possibly bring up their vowels, and the fact that they were broken by Addies abandonment.

Her hands shaking nervously, Addie began to make her way up to the nursery, remembering the way as if it was a track she had walked a hundred times.

Stopping outside she looked in to see Meredith holding Harry.

She looked so at ease with him in her arms, and yet there was so much emotion in her face, and it was hard for addie to shake the knowlede that she herself was the one responsible for the pain her wife was feeling.

Meredith could feel Addie's eyes on her, but didnt know what exactly to say to her so she stayed rocking in her chair, harry held tightly in her grasp, trying hard to lull him back to sleep.

Addie knew that she couldn't push Meredith anymore tonight. She knew that it wouldnt be fair to her if she did. Letting out a sigh, she stepped back from the door, and towards the room that she would be staying in. As she took hold of the handle she turned back in the direction that she came and whispered. "Im sorry Mer, i promise that i will fix this."

Meredith stood in the doorway, head resting against the door frame, tears slowly making there ways down her face, hating that she had heard Addie's promise.


	6. cry on my shoulder

Morning had come and passed in a haze for Meredith. Life was indeed routine, and she definitely found herself becoming even more robotic. She knew that she was doing all that she needed to do to survive.

Now as she wheeled all four babies up to day care, all she could think about were the events tha occured last night. Her mind kept wandering back to her restlesness. She couldn't sleep in the same house as Addie on. It was unbearable knowing that she was down the hall and not in her bed.

It had been so hard and so painful that she had found herself once again sleeping in the rocking chair in the nursery. She had then woken up in the morning to find Addie curled up asleep on the floor.

Meredith didnt bother asking questions or even waking her, she simply stepped over the top of her and went about her usual day.

Now as she signed the babies into the day care she couldn't help but wonder if she was being to harsh on Addie. She was sick, and Meredith understood that. She knew too well what it was like to be ill having already battled her own cancer, however, she hadn't ran from her when she had been sick. Yes she had tried to hide it, but she had quickly learnt that it was a secret that she couldn't keep.

Letting out a sigh, Meredith smiled softly as the daycare nurses came and took control of the pram. "Love you guys." she murmured as her hand lingered on the pram.

Feeling a hand on her shoulder she moved back slowly before handing over the diaper bag.

"We'll page you if we need you." The nurse told her, and Meredith nodded slightly. She then turned to look at Derek who had been the one to accompany her today.

"Come on" he said softly knowing how harrd it was for her to be away from them.

Meredith bit her bottom lip, and as she walked out she fell into Preston arms, tears streaking down her cheeks

gagagagagag ggagagagagaga gagagagagaga gagagagaga gagagaga

Addie stood back and watched Meredith breakdown. She felt so much like an outsider, invading a private moment between siblings.

She wrung her wrist, not knowing whether she could go to Meredith, or to just leave her be. She thought back to her vow that she had made last night. Her promise that she was going to fix things between them. In fact she had spent most of her sleepless moments trying to work out how to make it up to her. This of course wasn't one of those moments but she at least knew that she could be there for her and possibly begin to set up the foundation she needed.

Moving slowly towards them, she watched on as Derek stepped up and placed a hand on Merediths shoulder.

Preston kept an arm securely around Meredith, but both boys stepped back when Addie reached them.

Meredith turned to look at her, and instead of letting her embrace her and comfort her she turned back into her brothers arms.

Addie felt her heart break, and still reaching for a connection she put her hand out and rested it on Merediths shoulder.

She was relieved that it wasnt shaken off. If this was all that Meredith was going to give her for now, than she would savour it.

**I have seen fear. I have seen faith.  
Seen the look of anger on your face.  
And if you want to talk about what will be,  
Come and sit with me, and cry on my shoulder,  
I'm a friend.  
And if you want to talk about it anymore,  
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,  
I'm a friend.**


	7. get up

**the following updates are for leigh anna and bettina, who both love reading my fic.... hehehe... :waves to the random people:**

People were looking at her. Everywhere she went she could feel their eyes bearing down on her. It followed her everywhere, and by lunch time she had just about had enough.

She had ventured to the cafeteria, eyes on her the whole way. Moving through the queue she could only wish that it would move faster. It didn't help that she was now exposed to everyone around her.

Putting a coke cup on her tray she skipped past the salads which she would normally opt for and grabbed the hot fries, quickly squeezing on some sauce before pushing her way through the rest of the line.

She thrusts her money down on the table by the cashier, and doesn't even wait for her change as she moves off towards the side tables. She is hoping to find some sort of peace and quiet there.

Gagagagagagagaga

Meredith entered the cafeteria pushing the four way stroller. She couldn't ignore the looks she had been receiving since it became obvious to everyone that Addie had returned and began work this morning.

Moving through the cafeteria, she didn't bother queuing for food as she knew that Alex would have gotten her something. She also knew that her father would be waiting with the babies bottles all ready. Now she just needed to make her way to their usual table.

Looking around she could see the nurses and other hospital staff were pointing towards the other side of the cafeteria. Some were laughing while others were just talking quietly.

Meredith's eyes followed their direction and her eyes fell upon Addie. She was sitting by herself, off to the side. It was obvious to Meredith that things were getting too much for her.

Sighing Meredith detoured from her original destination an she began to manoeuvre the pram towards Addie.

As she reached her she slowed. This was one of the few times she could actually observe the changes, such as the shorter hair, and the paler skin. She looked fragile and almost porcelain.

Hearing Lucas gurgle, she shook her head and moved her focus back to what she had originally set her mind to.

Finally stopping beside Addie she didn't bother to even look at her. "Get up" Meredith bossed.

Addie looked up at her, and it was obvious to Meredith that she had been trying to fight back the tears.

"What?" Addie asked.

"Get up" Meredith repeated.

Addie sighed. "Mer"

"Do you want to continue to be ogled or would you prefer to stop the gossip and possibly bond with one of our children by joining us for lunch."

Addie looked at Meredith in shock.

"Well?"

"You didn't wake me this morning, you simply stepped over me. You didn't wait for me; you just left for work without me. Not to mention that i am lucky if you will even let me touch you." Addie argued, the hurt from the events of the morning still evident.

"I... Addie... its too much too fast. I cant go on like nothing happened." Meredith told her.

"So why this, why now?" Addie pressed.

"Because your my wife, and these babies are ours and you might as well start to share the responsibility." Meredith covered.

Addie looked into Meredith's eyes and could see that she was covering.

"Will you let me hold your hand?"

Meredith closed her eyes and turned her head away, hoping that the tears wouldn't come.

Finally Meredith turned to look at Addie again. She lowered her hand towards her. "Come on" she sighed.

Addie stood carefully, taking Meredith's hand and reaching for her tray.

Meredith gave her hand a small squeeze before leading her over to where her father would be waiting.


	8. pa bear

**thanks for everyone who commented... am updating twice... was going to go to bed... but i promised someone an update... so here is one now... and one in my morning.**

Richard sat, and looked briefly at his watch. Meredith should have been here by now. She had paged him 10 minutes ago saying that she was on her way. He couldnt help but worry that she had had a problem at the day care.

He could see Alex walking towards him and Derek was in the line for food.

"She late?" Alex asked as he sat the tray of food down.

Richard nodded.

Alex looked around the cafeteria.

"Are you sure she'd come down here, people haven't stopped tlaking about Addies return all morning."

Richard looked up at Alex while he thought about what he had said.

"Meredith, no matter how worn down by everything, wouldnt back away from this." Richard told him. "She's like Preston at times, too pushy."

Alex nodded in understanding.

Richard went back to wondering where Meredith had gotten to.

He was so lost in thought that he didnt see Derek approahing. He was pughing the pram while Meredith and Addie were trailing behind.

"Look who i found." Derek said as he took the tray off of the top of the pram and placed it on the table.

Richard looked up at his step son before acknowledging that he had the pram. He then looked past him to see a very weary Meredith holding hands with a nervous Addie.

Alex quickly moved to pull another chair over to the table while Richard still looked in awe. He hadnt expected Meredith to wlak up with Addie hand in hand. He was quite sure that she wasnt ready for that.

Addie broke free and took a seat next to Alex.

Meredith didnt say anything and Ricahrd watched how she morphed into the mechanical her. She moved to take one bottle from its warmer and tested it before reaching for Lily and beginning to feed her.

Addie not sure whether she should follow suit, watched as Derek then grabbed Harry and began feeding him his bottle.

Alex reached for Lucas and did the same.

Sky remained in the pram. Richard wasnt sure whether she would participate without making a fuss. Especially if he did the right thing and gave her to Addie. Richard shifted awkwardly before finally reaching for her. As he did, Meredith moved from her seat and around to Addie.

"This one is Lily, she is all yours." she said as she handed the baby girl over.

Addie nodded and accepted the child, taking her into her arms.

Richard then indicated to Meredith that she should take Skye.

"It's okay Dad." Meredith said quietly. "She's enjoying bonding with her pa bear."


	9. the wrath of Miranda

Meredith went to take the babies back to the day care and Addie moved off to exam room 6 where Bailey had paged her at the end of lunch.

Addie had frowned on receiving the page, but tried to hide it from Meredith. She had no idea why she would be paging her. Addie didn't think she would be pregnant again, however, she hadn't managed to see her as of yet. It seemed that every time Addie had gone looking for her that she had been in surgery.

Moving towards the door, she wasn't sure whether she should knock, after all, she didn't know exactly what to expect.

Knocking once she then pushed the door open only to find Miranda standing there. Her arms were folded, her eyebrows raised and a file was sitting on the bed next to her.

Addie didn't know what to say or do, so she moved into the room and closed the door. She then moved to stand opposite her. She still didn't speak. She could only imagine what she had lined up for her.

Addie stood there, hand playing with her ring. She didn't know what kind of wrath she was about to experience. If she knew Miranda, she would be pushed, whether it was something that she had done herself, or someone else, was another question.

Letting out a frustrated sigh after standing there for 2 minutes, Addie finally looked up at Miranda. "You paged" she said and raised her eyebrows.

Her talking was enough to set Miranda off, and as soon as she had started Addie wished she hadn't.

"Damn right I paged you." Miranda opened. "Don't you ever put me in that position ever again." She yelled. "Telling me where you are going but not telling your wife. Making me sit back and watch her world fall apart. She struggled and yes I know you were sick but never again will I do that for you. You just up and left her with no explanation, not even a promise that you would be back. And now... now you walk around here like a wounded soldier because she hasn't taken you back with open arms but let me tell you this." Miranda said before pursing her lips. "She will take you back but never again will she rely on you the way she has done in the past. You're leaving hurt her just as much as her mother ever had. Only difference is, she isn't going to bounce back next time. She didn't really bounce back this time."

"Miranda" Addie sighed, knowing that she full well deserved the lashing that she had just received.

"No you don't get to apologise. Just know that the next time you pick up and leave I won't keep your secret." Miranda said as she handed Addie a file that had been sitting beside her.

"What's this?" Addie asked.

"Patient from Portland They requested you. It seems they have heard that you are back."

Addie sighed and nodded her head. She knew that she deserved everything she was getting but it didn't mean it didn't hurt any less.


	10. should feel lucky

Meredith was finishing work, and knew that there was once a time where she would visit Addie to let her know that she was heading home. She knew that she should probably pop in and remind her that she had the privilege of leaving early.

Figuring that she should get the kids first, Meredith moved off to change. It would be easier to face her if she had survived the day looking unscathed but it was hard considering she was worn out, especially coming back and still having the late nights. It was taking its toll on her more than she had expected.

Gaga

Addie had yet to look over the patients chart as she walked towards the room. All she knew was that the patients name was Molly, and that this was her first pregnancy. Addie was not sure why she had even been requested.

Opening the file she began to read up on the patients condition. She brushed over the details before closing the file. This case was one that she figured she could handle easily, which was good for her first day back.

Moving into the room she pulled the file to her chest. "Hello Molly, I'm Dr Addison Montgomery." She opened.

The young girl looked up nervously as she bit her bottom lip. "You're supposed to be the best." She replied.

Addie nodded and was about to say something more when the woman sitting by Molly, who Addie could only assume to be her mother, piped up. "And not to put any pressure on you or anything but this is my baby carrying my grandchild. So i really hope that you are. The best i mean."

Addie was stumped by the semi threat. It seemed like she was being verbally beaten a lot today.

"Mom, you're kind of threatening the doctor. Dont threaten the doctor. It doesn't help." Molly spoke as she rested a hand on her shoulder.

"Sorry" her mother murmured, "My husband tells me i have to try not to be such a mother lion because Molly's a grown woman and has her own life and everything but... ROAR."

Addie chuckled at the protectiveness and only wished that she had a mother like that now. Someone who could be on her side no matter what. "It's okay." She tells them. "I can take it. I am the best."

It seemed as though Molly was going to say more but they were interrupted by a small knock at the door.

Addie turned to see Meredith there with the 4 way stroller. She tilted her head, waiting for her to say something..

"Sorry to interrupt." Meredith murmured as she bit her bottom lip. "Just thought that i would tell you that we are heading home."

Addie nodded as she smiled at the giggling bubbly babies. "Ok" she said as she moved closer to Meredith.

"See you when you finish." Meredith said quiety and Addie again nodded and reached for Merediths hand.

Meredith allowed her to squeeze it before she awkwardly pulled back.

"See you." She quickly murmured before hurrying away.

Addie watched her leave, and knew that she should be feeling lucky that Meredith had at least came past and said good bye.

Gathering all her thoughts and emotions she pulled herself back together before turning back to her patient.

"Sorry about that." She quickly murmured.

Molly smiled awkwardly before asking. "You can fix this right?"

Addie nodded. "We'll insert a scope into your uterus and then inflate a little balloon in the baby's airway which should help stimulate the lungs to grow. It's not going to be too easy." She explains. "On either one of you."

Addie smiles and tried to then reassure her patient. "but i do have a strong record with this surgery."

Her mother nods and gives Molly's hand a squeeze.

"I'll schedule an ultrasound, and we should do the procedure tomorrow."

Molly nodded and her mother sighed.

Addie smiled slightly, she knew that things could be tough. She could only hope that everything would go as planned.


	11. maybe tomorrow

Walking into the house she knew that she was too late to help feed the kids. She kicked herself when she looked at the time. The babies would have to be in bed by now.

Putting her bag down on the small table by the door, she then shrugged off her coat before hanging it in the closet.

The house was seemingly empty. There were no lights on, well not that she could see anyway. The only noise she could hear was the clock ticking.

Moving to slip off her heels she then walked quietly through the house. She figured she would check out the bottom floor first. Addie wondered if Meredith had gone to bed yet, or maybe she was doing the laundry. She wasn't certain, but she knew that Meredith would be home.

After finding no sign of Meredith of the babies on the bottom floor, she could only hope that she would find Meredith soon because the darkness was beginning to consume her. Meredith, well Meredith was her ray of light.

The upstairs hallway was lined with the little night lights that switched in when it got too dark, and they managed to give the hallway a gloomy effect.

Addie walked along the hallway to their room but found it empty. She knew that Meredith wouldn't be in the spare room, or more to the point, she hoped not. And it wasn't because she wanted her privacy but because of the photos she had collected while she was away.

Looking around she caught sight of a small amount of light leaking out of the crack of the nursery. Addie moved closer to the doors she paused when she could hear Meredith talking softly.

"She kissed me, or should I say that I kissed her. I can't really decide who did what, but it was definitely a kiss. I loved the way her lips felt against mine, but as the kiss went further and our hands began to wander, I knew that we should stop. She's Derek's fiancée and I'm the only one he has told so far. I know that mums expecting it, and I truly think that dad is too but still...

Once I got passed my conscience it was hard to think, but that was before Derek walked in and completely freaked out, but I mean who could blame him.

She freaked too, and I don't know whether it was because her mind had gone fuzzy too but I really can't be sure. What I do know is that she looked more concerned about how bad this looked rather than what Derek was saying.

Something felt right about the kiss. Is it wrong to think that she is it for me? That she is my someone? I know that I am starting college in the fall but something so good couldn't possibly be that bad could it?"

Addie smiled as she though back to what Meredith was reading. The moment before all of this began.

"It was perfect" she thought to herself. Those beginning days had been everything she could hope for and more.

"Are you going to come in?" Meredith called and broke through Addie's thoughts.

Addie pushed the door open and looked at Meredith sheepishly.

Neither of them spoke at first. Addie stood in the doorway looking at Meredith nervously as she played with her hair.

Meredith sat in the rocking chair; her eyes were closed as she tried to build up the courage to say something more.

Addie shifted her gaze to the babies who were fast asleep in their cots. "You read your diary to them?"

Meredith opened her eyes and look towards a sleeping Lucas. "I always have." She finally replied.

Addie nodded and waited a moment as she gathered her thoughts.

"My decision to leave wasn't an easy one."" She finally blurted.

Meredith looked up at her shocked.

"I was scared, scared that I would stay too attached only for me to die... I was scared to bond with them, only to leave them so soon. I was simply scared." She tried to explain.

"Addie" Meredith sighed.

"I was scared about so many things Mer. I'm not as strong as you. I needed you, and yet I was scared to leave you." She said.

"But you left anyway." Meredith murmured.

Addie sighed. "I was scared that I would be leaving you permanently. My head was all messed up and I thought I could die."

Meredith closed her eyes again, she couldn't exactly piece together what Addie was getting at.

"I... I walked away thinking that I was doing the best thing, and yet it was the worst. Mer, I know you can never forgive me, and that you probably don't hate me, but I think we can fix this. I need to fix this." She pleaded. Her eyes moving to connect with Meredith's.

Meredith could see the pain in her eyes and could feel the weight of her words.

"I don't hate you." She finally sighed, "And I can't forget what you did." She added, "But maybe one day we can fix this."

Addie's eyes began to fill with hope.

"But not today." Meredith said quietly as she stood and put the diary back on the shelf. "I'm too tired today."

Addie nodded, accepting her words, but still feeling the hurt.

Meredith then moved slowly towards Addie, pressing a soft kiss on each of the babies as she went. On reaching Addie she stood on her tippy toes and pressed her lips against hers.

Addie was shocked by the fleeting kiss.

"Maybe tomorrow." Meredith whispered as she then continued past her in hopes of crashing out early.

Addie was left standing in the nursery, not quite sure what the hell had just happened but could only hop that it was what she thought


	12. one push too many

..................................................................................................................................................................

Meredith awoke the following morning again in the nursery rocking chair. She again hadn't been able to sleep knowing that Addie was in the bed down the hall.

Moving to Skye's cot to respond to her cries se ease the little girl out of the cot and held her close.

"Hey Sugar Plum." She whispered as she used her free hand to wipe the sleep from her eyes.

Sky stopped crying and gurgled up at Meredith. Smiling she ran a hand over her head a as she pressed a kiss to her.

Looking over at the other cots she could see that Lily was still asleep, but that Harry and Lucas were no longer there.

Then as she looked to the door she noticed a pillow and a blanket placed neatly in the corner.

She smiled at the thought that maybe Addie had fallen asleep on the floor again in efforts to be near her again.

Moving to the door, she made sure to get the baby monitor before heading downstairs.

She walked slowly, enjoying her time with her very bubbly little girl.

Moving into the kitchen she could see Addie making coffee and also cooking breakfast. Meredith looked around for the boys. "Ummm... where are my boys?" she asked quietly not wanting to sound harsh or even worried.

"Alex" Addie said without looking up from the bacon she was slicing.

Meredith nodded and moved to go to the fridge. She wanted to get the apple juice from the fridge for Skye.

"You're not going to check on them?" Addie asked with a hint of frustration evident in her voice.

"I should have known." Meredith said with a shrug.

Addie sighed and when she moved to cutting the mushrooms she began to cut them more vigorously.

Meredith then began to fill the bottle for Skye and moved Skye carefully to her hip.

Looking up she raised her eyes to take in the scene before her, looking back down she pout the juice down on the counter. "Did Alex get the boys their juice?" she asked.

Addie didn't look up as she added the mushrooms and bacon to the beaten egg.

"You don't care that Alex has the boys, you worried when I had them." Addie snapped as she dumped a pile of shredded cheese into the mix.

"What?" Meredith asked completely shocked.

"You came in asking about the boys worried that I had taken them somewhere, and yet I tell you that Alex has them and all you do is shrug." She says in a huff as she pours all the contents into a heated frying pan. She then moves to pour two cups of coffee.

"Addie what are you talking about?" Meredith asked as she shifted Skye so she could get more comfortable. "I asked you where the boys are because I expected them to be in ere with you, and when they weren't..." Meredith trailed off.

"What?" Addie asked looking up at her. Tears were building in her eyes.

"It's a mother's instinct to be worried, especially when they are not where you thought." She murmured.

Addie went to say something more but was interrupted by Christina staggering in. Lilly giggled from her place in her arms.

"Your kids awake." Christina murmured as she snatched up the coffee Addie had just poured for Meredith.

"I didn't hear her" Meredith said as the little girl reached for her.

"Maybe you need to recharge the monitor." Christina said as she pointed at it.

Meredith looked at it and groaned on seeing that the battery light was no longer on. "Sorry Chris" she murmured.

Christina shrugged. "I had to be up for work anyway." She said as she moved to sit Lily in her high chair.

Meredith watched as Christina set Lily up with her juice before grabbing her box of cereal from the top of the fridge.

She then moved to sit in the chair across from Meredith.

The kitchen remained in silence. Addie finished cooking the omelette and poured Meredith another coffee before placing a plate and knife and fork in front of her.\

Meredith obediently put Skye down in her high chair before thanking Addie for breakfast.

Addie said nothing, she just simply served up her own before taking the seat next to Meredith.

"Are we able to ride together in the van?" Addie asked looking down at her plate wondering whether she was trying too hard.

Meredith pushed her food around on her plate before finally giving a small nod. "Ok"

"And maybe we could drop the babies off together." Addie said as she pushed a little further.

Meredith scooped up a bit of omelette before taking a bite. She then turned to look at Addie and gave a nod. "Whatever you want"

Christina watched on with raised eyebrows. As much as she wanted to tell Addie to stop pushing, she knew that Meredith would tell her soon.

"And maybe lunch again. It depends on when my surgery is." Addie finished, not looking up as she knew that the push might have been a push too many.

"One step at a time Addie, besides, I may be in surgery too, or even having already had lunch. I need to try and get back into the groove of things. I start my longer shift next week. My roster has been finalised, and the babies schedule drawn. You need to adjust to us, not us to you. After all we weren't the ones who left." Meredith said as she moved to put the plate in front of Christina as she was no longer hungry.

"Tell Alex to bring the boys straight up when he gets back." Meredith told Christina as she grabbed Skye and Lily before moving out the door.

Christina watched as Meredith left and waited until she could hear Meredith on the stairs. She then turned to look at Addie. "She finally found a new groove that works; don't make her cut a new groove just to accommodate you. Especially if you are not going to stick around. You're going to have one hell of a fight on your hands."

Addie nodded, but didn't comment on Christina's defensiveness.

"Where's Alex?" she finally asked.

"Jogging, He'll be back with the boys soon." Christina murmured through the food she had just shovelled in her mouth.


	13. slight technical issues

Meredith had waited for Addie in the car. The babies were all loaded and a new bag packed.

Meredith looked at her watch before looking in the rear-view mirror to see that the babies were settled. She was sure Addie couldn't comprehend what the last 6 months had been like for them. Meredith understood that yes Addie had cancer, and even though Meredith wasn't clear about whether Addie was in remission or not it had been her choice to tackle it alone.

Again looking at her watch Meredith sighed. She was going to be late. Alex and Christina had already left, and now she was just waiting on Addie.

Contemplating tooting her horn, she knew that she really shouldn't because it would probably startle the babies.

Finally deciding to go see what was taking her so long Meredith unclipped her seat belt and opened her door. It was at that moment that Addie came running out of the house stuffing her bra into her handbag as well as bandages. "Sorry" Addie sighed as she quickly jumped into the passenger seat.

Meredith climbed back into the car and clipped her seat belt. As she turned on the ignition she looked carefully at Addie. "You don't have a bra on." Meredith said softly, unable to not notice the lone nipple standing tall.

Addie didn't even look at Meredith as she answered. "I was having a fight with the cream and bandages, so no, i don't have a bra on."

Meredith nodded as she began to reverse the car. As she pulled out onto the street she asked carefully, "so you're going bra-less all day?"

Addie quirked an eyebrow at Meredith. "is it turning you on?" she asked.

Meredith looked slightly flustered as she tried to focus on the road. "ummm... ah no." Meredith stammered. "it's just" Meredith started and then stopped again.

"Dont worry sweetie, i was going to see if you could help me. Maye apply the cream and bandages." Addie said hopeful. "It's just my bra will rub on the burns, especially if they are not covered.

Meredith nodded and tried her best to focus on the road.

"So after we drop off the kids, before you report to Bailey?" Addie asked.

Meredith let out a sigh. "Call ahead and let Bailey know that we have a technical issue."

Addie groaned, she really didn't want to be the one to talk to her.

"So the fights true?" Meredith asked as she focused most of her attention on cutting her path to the hospital.

"Miranda" Addie spoke, and Meredith head her sigh.

"No i don't want to talk about yesterday."

"No things are ok"

"You wont ever be put in that position again."

"i understand"

"Miranda" Addie said a little stronger.

"Merediths going to be a little late."

"No she doesn't want any special treatmen."

"Miranda she needs to do something for me."

"It's... Mirana..."

"She needs to dress my burns."

"She'll report to you as soon as she's finished."

"No she doesn't want to be on my service."

"I'm sure."

"She's driving us right now."

"will be there soon."

Meredith looked over at Addie, while trying to concentrate on the road. Addie closed her mobile phone and shoved it back in her handbag.

"Are we in the clear?" Meredith asked.

Addie let out a sigh and then gave a nod.

"Good" Meredith replied as she forced a smile.

She then concentrated on trying to find a car park.

Pulling the van into a park not far from the doors, she then moved to unclip her seat belt before jumping into the usual routine.

Addie watched as Meredith found her groove. Sighing slightly with the knowledge that she no longer fit, she started to contemplate how they could possibly start over.

"Are you going to help?" Meredith called to her, and when Addie unclipped her belt and climbed from the car she could see that Meredith didn't really need any help at all.

"I guess she's trying." Addie murmured to herself before moving to see what she could do.


	14. red raw

RED RAW SCARS

It had been a few days since she had first seen them and she still couldn't believe her eyes. Ever so carefully she caressed the cream into her wifes burnt skin.

Addie stood frozen. The to half of her self bare to her wife. She felt self concious. For the first time in a long time Addison Forbes Montgomery felt self concious in front of her wife. Was it the absence of the title lover that made her feel so?

Meredith could feel Addie's tension, and could only wonder what was causing it. She was trying to be getnle, and yet was concerned that she was hurting her.

"Addie" Meredith said quietly "am i not doing it right? Am i hurting you?"

The uncertainty in Merediths voice wracked Addie. She had no idea how insecure both of them would feel.

Addie tried to smile when she brought her eyes down to meet Merediths. "No, it's okay."

Meredith nodded, and as she reached for the bandages she spoke. "well whats wrong then?"

Addie bit her lip and tilted her head. "What happened to us?" Addie askd before closing her eyes.

"You left" Meredith murmured.

"I know" Addie sighed as she raised her arm to give Meredith a bit more access. "But it feels like im standing in front of my wife in the absence of love." she said quietly. "its like we are strangers."

"We are" Meredith said as she tried to concentrate on the task in front of her. "I still love you Addie. I never stopped, but people change, especially faced with their life as it happens. So we wither need to adjust to that change or let each other go. Because Addie we can never be what we were. I cant go back to that."

Addie had tears in her eyes when Meredith looked up at her.

"I dont want to lose you." Addie said as she choked back a sob.

Meredith tried to keep her own tears at bay as she pulled Addie to ler. "If you want this then you wont." she murmured as she wrapped her arms around Addie.

"Oh god i want this." Addie cried as the tears streaked down her cheeks.

"Then we start over." Meredith said quietly.

"How do we do that?" Addie asked as she ran a hand through Merediths hair.

"We go back to the beginning." Meredith told her.

Addie pulled back and looked down at Meredith wiping her tears from her eyes. "We began with a kiss." she murmured.

Meredith smiled. "We did" she replied. "After you walked in on me while i was in the shower."

"I thought you were Derek."

"I had pink hair"

"Nobodies perfect." Addie said with a big grin.

Meredith scrunched up her nose. "We're not those people anymore." she told her. "I dont want to be that person."

Addie bit her lip nervously.

"But you are standing in front of me half naked." Meredith said as she moved closer to Addie again.

Addie loered her head slightly as Meredith leaned up to kiss her. It started off being gentle before all the want and need that had been bottled up for the past 6 months over flowed into that one kiss.

The urgency had Meredith pushing Addie back aainst the desk.

Meredith pulled back to take a breath before leaning in to kiss her again.

Suddenly the door opened. "Oh wow, nice to see some things dont change." Derek said nervously.

Meredith blushed before ordering him to close the door. She then handed Addie her bra and blouse.

Meredith waited for Addie to be dressed before she opened the door to let Derek in.

"Wow that brought back memories." he murmured .

Meredith sighed, clearly not in the mood. "What do you want Der?"

"Bailey sent me to find you. Your my resident." he told her, "also she wants you to meet your interns. Ine i might add is kinda cute. I think she likes me."

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Who have i got?" Addie asked.

"Karev" Derek replied. "It seems like Sloan doesnt need him for the moment."

Meredith quickly turned to her. "I ummm... I better go."

Addie nodded slightly before reaching for Merediths hand.

Meredith looked down at the connection before looking back up at Addie.

"Love you" Addie said quietly.

"You too" Meredith murmured before nervosly withdrawing her hand and moving towards the door.

Derek smiled before moving to leave.

Derek waited for Meredith to be gone before turning to look back at Addie. "She's vulnerable, dont hurt her." he said before turning to leave, not giving Addie even a chance to respond.


	15. brother shepherd

Meredith counted the number of interns standing next to Bailey. There was only 3 of them there, and yet she was sure that there was supposed to be 4.

Looking over the group, Meredith tried to think about what she should say to them. She could remember the speech Bailey had given her group the day that they had began. Smiling slightly she approached them, greeting Bailey with a small nod.

"You're not changed Dr Grey?" Bailey said with a small frown.

Meredith looked down at her jeans and sweater before shrugging slightly. "Dr Bailey, I've just come from that errand that i needed to do. I will change as soon as i'm finished here." Meredith replied with a reassuring tone.

Bailey couldn't help but nod, she knew that it was un-professional and yet she knew that she couldn't allocate Meredith the time to go change as she was already late.

"Ok Dr Grey" she said with a small smile.

Meredith gave her a relieved smile before taking the list from Dr Bailey.

"Now Dr Grey" Bailey opened. "When you start back fulltime you interns will be taking full instruction from you."

Meredith nodded. "Dr Bailey, i only have 3 interns."

Bailey pursed her lips. "At the moment you do."

"Well where's the fourth?" she asked nervously. "I can handle 4."

Bailey raise her eyebrows at Meredith. "We will discuss the 4th intern later."

Meredith nodded before looking down at her sheet.

"Drs Jefferson, James and Shepherd." Meredith read, raising her head at the last one.

Meredith tilted her head at the group, her eyes falling properly on the young girl with the brown curly hair. "Jenna?" Meredith asked.

The young girl nodded and gave Meredith a big grin.

Meredith began to feel a bit lighter. She hadn't seen Jenna for a long time. It was hard to believe that she too was now a Doctor.

"Grey, you're with Shepherd, your brother Shepherd." Bailey commented. "I want your interns to spend the morning with you to see how you work."

Meredith nodded before turning to her interns. "I'm going to go change. I will meet you by the nurses station in 5 minutes. Use this time to either go to the bathroom or revitalise." She advised them.

Meredith quickly turned to go get changed. She couldn't help but feel good about having her interns, even if one of them was Jenna.


	16. just do it

"I'm going to give it to you straight up!" Meredith said as she reached her interns. "I may only be getting back into the swing of things but I give my best and I won't expect anything less from you. Any problems you have outside of the hospital stay outside the hospital, unless it can't be helped, in which case you come straight to me. This hospital is your playing field. You show promise in the surgical field. So don't be scared to show what you've got, and learn from every experience. We can learn from each other. Every day is a new day and every Doctor works differently. Respect it and learn it. It will surprise you how much of it you take in and adapt for you. Good luck and let's go."

The interns looked surprised by having been given such a speech, especially when their previous residents had seemed so demanding.

They were so stunned at first, that none of them had realised that she had began to walk away.

Meredith smiled to herself she had been pleased with her little speech.

As she reached the elevator she heard 3 sets of feet come running. Pressing the button, she pushed her shoulders back, a new found confidence washing over her.

When the elevator doors opened, Meredith smiled softly at Addie. She was leaning tiredly against the back of the elevator.

"Dr Montgomery." Meredith said with a smile.

"Dr Grey" Addie replied, also with a smile. She then looked past Meredith and to her interns.

"Doctors, this is Dr Montgomery, she's head of the neo-natal unit" Meredith introduced.

They all nodded and Jenna winked.

"Doctors" Addie replied professionally.

Meredith moved back to stand next to Addie, she was biting her lip nervously.

"Is that Jenna Shepherd?" Addie asked.

Meredith nodded. "Yep, she's my intern"

Addie was surprised. "Derek hasn't said anything to you about her has he?"

Meredith shook her head. Closing her eyes she ran a frustrated hand through her hair. "I've been a bad sister." Meredith said. "I've been buried with so much that I guess he didn't tell me."

Addie reached for Meredith's hand and gave it a squeeze. "I'm sorry." She said quietly.

Addie looked Meredith's tired frame over. "Page me when you're free."

Meredith looked at her questioningly.

"Just do it." Addie told her.

Meredith nodded as she pulled away.

Addie watched as Meredith moved reluctantly off the elevator. Her stature a complete contrast to what it was when she had stepped on. She then made a point to mentally note that she would need to have a small talk to Derek.


	17. be an extra body

Derek could see Meredith leaning on the nurse's desk. She was talking on the phone to someone, and it was obvious to him that something had her worried.

Moving to stand beside her he moved to rest a hand on her back.

Meredith looked up, tears evident in her eyes.

Derek's face grew further in concern.

"Yes, I understand, I'll be there soon." Meredith murmured before she flipped the phone closed.

Derek looked at her as his hand moved up and down her back.

"I... I've got to go." Meredith told him as she pulled away from him. The hurt evident in her eyes.

"Mer" Derek said, taken back by her pain.

"Don't" she said quietly. Her voice was shaky. "I've got to go. Please tell Bailey that I had to go."

"Dr Grey" Dr James spoke up.

"Go to the pit." She said to them. "Be an extra body."

They all nodded, but nobody knew what was going on.

Derek watched Meredith leave before he turned back to the group.

"Do you guys know who that call was from?" he asked.

They all shook their heads.

"Jen?" he asked.

"Sorry Der," she said with a shrug. "She went quiet after talking to Addie."

Derek let out a sigh before he leaned in to kiss her cheek. "I better go see Dad."

The other interns looked at her curiously.

The waited for Derek to leave before turning back to Jenna. "He's my brother." She said quietly before moving off towards the pit as she was instructed.


	18. vulnerable

Meredith had reached the elevator, and on finding it empty, she let the emotion that was withering inside her, out. It ripped through her as the tears spilled over. She couldnt believe what had happened. She could still recall the conversation on the phone as the news was delivered.

_"Meredith" a voice had croaked over the phone._

_"El?" Meredith said wearily. She was shocked to hear from her best friend. The tone of voice suggested that something bad had happened._

_"It's livvy, she needs you." Elliot said, and it was obvious that she was going to have to go to New York._

_"El what happened?" she asked._

_"It's bad Mer, the things... the things this guy did to her..." he said._

_Meredith had tears spilling from her eyes at the thought that someone had hurt Liv._

_"Please dont ask questions Mer, just get here. She wants it kept on the down low." Elliot said. "Hopefully you can get her to let the Doctor look at her too. Can you come?"_

_There really had been nothing to think about as she remembered looking up at Derek, having hoped that he hadn't heard Elliot. "Yes and i understand." she had told him._

_"I'll be there soon."_

Merediths brain was working a mile a minute as she stepped off of the elevator and ran towards the locker room. There was no question she had to go, and she had to go soon. First she needed to tell her Dad that she was going to New York without telling him why. Then she needed to get the kids .

gaga gaga greys anatomy gaga gaga greys anatomy gaga gaga

Derek was on a war path. He hated the thought that Addie had seemingly upset Meredith already. He had seen that there father was currently in surgery with bailey, so he needed to deal with this himself.

Derek wasn't impressed, but didnt know exactly what to say, all he knew was that he needed to catch Addie and give her a piece of his mind. He had told Addie not to hurt her, and could now only be furious that she had now done so.

Moving through the maternity ward, he spotted Addie coming out of a patients room. "Dr Montgomery" he called, "Your office now!"

Addie raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips. "Excuse me Dr Shepherd?" she asked. She really had had enough of people and their high horses.

"Just come" he grunted before walking off in the direction of Addies office.

Addie looked at him with disgust and began to follow him. As she pushed her office door open her mobile phone went off. She thought about leaving it and going head on with Derek, but she couldnt leave it in case it was important. Taking her phone out of her lab coat, she could see Derek on the verge of protesting, and then she pressed the button.

"Hello" she said politely. She hadn't had a chance to even look to see if there was a caller id.

"Addie" a female voice cracked.

Addie pulled her phone away from her ear to quickly glimpse at the caller id. Frowning at the name, she pressed the phone back to her ear. "Livvy?"

She didnt look up, because she knew that Derek was looking at her with a new found interest.

"Addie i need you." she said as she began to cry. "I dont want them to touch me Addie, i need you."

"Livvy whats going on?" Addie asked.

Addie then heard the phone muffle, and soon learned that somebody else had taken the phone. She waited until the shuffling had stopped. "It's okay livvy, i've got this." she heard her brother in law say reassuringly.

"Elliot?" Addie spoke nervously.

"Addie livvy needs you." Elliot said simply.

"Elliot?" she asked again. She really wanted to know more.

"Please, i cant talk about it." he told her, "just... i just got off the phone to Mer, we didnt... we know you've been absent... but can you.. can you come too? Livvy needs you."

Addie couldnt hide the worry that ws consuming her. "I have surgery in half an hour. I'll be on the red eye tonight." she told him.

"Thanks Add" he sighed.

'You didnt really have to ask." she said.

Addie then closed the phone before wiping the tears from ehr eyes. Taking a deep breath her eyes then settled on dereks. "You wanted something?" she asked, feeling emotionally exhaustd.

"Meredith left. Jenna says she was down after speaking to you on the elevator. I told you not to upset her." he said. There was an edge in his voice.

Addie shook her head. "Meredith left because she's jus recieved a phone call from Elliot saying that they need her in New York."She guessed, "and Derek, she was upset with you, and more so herself because no one told her Jenna wa going to be here, let alone her intern. It doesnt feel so good being in her position and finding out that the other sister has rocked up."

Dereklooked at her shocked. "What are you saying?" he asked.

"I'm saying you or Dad should have f##king told her, but you are both too f##king blind to pay attention to how Meredith feels about your other family." Addie bit.

"Excuse me?" Derek asked, not liking the blame being put on him. "Meredith's my world."

"Yes, and yet you still didnt tell her Jenna was working here." Addie pointed out.

Derek closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "She just started." Derek murmured. "Mom died, she's got no one. The thers all have families. So she transfere here so she could be near me."

"Well why didnt you tell Meredith that?" Addie asked as she moved to get her hair tie so she could put her hair back.

Derek groaned before cursing himself.

"She thinks that she's a bad sister Der, maybe you should fix that, and dont forget she's really vulnerable at the moment." Addie reminded, using his words.

"Addie" Derek sighed feeling even more the fool.

"Your not the only one who holds her close to your heart Der, and you dont always make the best decisions either." she murmured as she moved out of her office leaving him there to think about her words.


	19. somethings happened to livy

On leaving Derek alone, Addie had moved quickly to pull out her phone. She dialled Meredith hoping that she was still in the building. On receiving no answer she called the day care centre to check on the kids, only to find that they were still there. Sighing Addie quickly looked at the time. In just under an hour she would be scrubbing in on a scheduled surgery. If the mother wasn't so nervous, and the patient so scared, she would entrust the patient to one of her subordinates. She knew that she had no time to go find Meredith so she hoped that texting her would be suffice.

BOOK ME A TICKET ON THE RED EYE TOO BABE... WILL PACK WHEN I GET HOME

Meredith was standing up in the gallery watching her father operate alongside Bailey. Both whom she needed to talk to. She heard her phone beep and half expected it would be a voice message. On flipping open her phone she was surprised to see that it was not only Addie who had called her, but also who had text her. She read the message carefully before replying.

OK AD, AM LETTING DAD KNOW NOW.

Addie received the reply as she neared Molly Thompson's room. She sighed with relief as she read the text before typing a reply.

THANKS BABE, LET ME KNOW HOW THINGS GO. I HAVE SURGERY NOW.

Meredith looked back down to the OR. Moving to glance at her watch briefly along the way. She could see her father look up at her again before gesturing for the nurse to press the button on the intercom.

Meredith moved towards the gallery intercom, ready to respond to him.

"Dr Grey, I'm assuming you have a reason to be dressed in your casual attire." Her father stated keeping his focus on the task he was completing.

"Chief" Meredith said, hoping to maintain some sort of professionalism. "I need to talk to both you and Dr Bailey after you have completed the surgery."

Richard looked up shocked but didn't say anything as he hoped she would continue.

"In regards to myself and another member of staff." She said and gave him the look that told him that it was about Addie.

Richard looked up at the clock before looking back down at the task at hand. "Is it emergent?"

Meredith cleared her throat as she tried to think about how to describe it. "It's ummm.... quite important."

Richard looked up with eyes that were scrutinising her. Meredith shifted uncomfortably; she knew that he was now looking at her as her dad. "We have to go to New York, something happened to Livy."

Richard cleared his throat.

"Dr Bailey can you finish this?" he asked before looking up at Meredith and indicating that she should come meet him.


	20. cheesecake

Meredith had spent the last two hours running around trying to organise everything she would need. Her father had offered to look after the babies and as much as she had considered it, she couldn't bear to part with them. It was already hard enough to leave them in the day care every day; even though she knew that they were in the same building.

So as she found several sets of clothes for each of them she packed it in a bag that she had in the back of her wardrobe. She had also managed to pack all of their favourite things as well as the usual necessities.

She had already booked the tickets for the flights using the money in her joint account. She had to battle it out with the booking chick who just couldn't understand that she and Addie would be travelling with four babies.

Now as she turned her attention to her cupboard she looked at the variety of clothing that she had. She knew that in reality, she would need to pack light, especially after having already packed a large case just for the kids.

Slowly, Meredith began to pull out an array of items Meredith knew that she would need. She also grabbed a few that weren't exactly top choice, but could be used around the hotel, and maybe even a restaurant.

Meredith knew that she would need to grab a small one from the spare room. So as she dropped the last of her clothes that she would need to pack and moved down the hall towards the room in which Addie had been staying.

As she put her hand on the door know she promised herself not to snoop. Slowly she pushed the door open; Meredith then made to move into the room before something suddenly made her stop. Closing her eyes, she ran her hand briskly through her hair. Then she turned out of the room and ran back to hers to grab her mobile phone before it wakes the babies.

She checked the id and slicked her phone open to answer it. "Hey" she said, not even bothering to hide her exhaustion.

"Hey Mer" Derek said in a soft voice.

Meredith moved to sit down on the side of her bed. "What's up?" she finally asked.

Derek hesitated in answering. "Was wondering if we could catch up before you leave for New York?" he said solemnly.

"I have to pack Der." She replied with a sigh.

"I know." He replied.

Meredith bit her lip and tried to find something else to say. She truly had been searching for an excuse.

She then heard the doorbell ring and she sent a quick thanks to the person with the impeccable timing.

"Der I've got to go, someone's at the door." She told him quickly as she closed the phone and made a run for the door.

Opening the door she stood there in shock as she watched the person put away their mobile phone and smile at her.

"Cheesecake." Derek said as he passed her a box and walked in. "I'll make the coffee."


	21. you and i

Meredith sat across from her brother. All four children now awake and sitting in their bouncers. She hadn't really spoken since her had arrived, and in reality, neither had he.

The cheesecake Derek had bought sat between them. Both had eaten a slice, and Meredith was now in the motions of carving off her second slice.

"I should have told you about Jenna." He finally said as he looked up at her. "Carol died a month ago and she's got no one else." He tried to explain.

Meredith didn't look up; she just concentrated on eating her cake.

"Come on Mer." He almost pleaded. "I'm all she had."

Meredith didn't need to look up for Derek to know that she had just rolled her eyes. "And her 3 older sisters mean nothing?" she asked.

"Nancy had the twins, Sandy is too busy enjoying married life, and Kath, well Kath's already trying to be soccer mom and run her own practice." Derek told her. "I'm the only one that has time for her."

Meredith stabbed at her cake with the fork.

"Mer what are you so damn upset about?" Derek asked as he ran his hand through his hair. "I don't see why this should bother you. I thought you would actually understand."

Meredith tried to hide the tears that were building in her eyes. They were on the verge of spilling over.

"Mer" Derek pushed again.

Meredith still refused to look up. "I'm always the last to know." She said.

"What?" Derek asked.

"When mom got diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I was the last to know. When Addie had cancer, I was the last to know. When you'd go spend the holidays at the Shepherd house, I was the last to know." She told him.

"Mer" Derek said feeling like he was still missing something.

"When I got into college you were the first to know. When I got engaged to Addie, you were the first to know, and finally" she said "when I decided to have children you were the first to know."

Derek still looked confused when she looked up at him and her eyes met his.

"Nearly every holiday you would pack up and go to the Shepherd house, effectively ditching me for the summer, or whatever break it may have been. You would always then comeback with all these fantastic stories about what you did with you other family, and what did I do? Nothing! Because I had nowhere to go. I never had another family to want me." She choked a little on her words. "You would run to them whenever they needed you. You would tell them everything first and ... and I would be forgotten." She said. "So you want to know why I'm upset?" she asked as she put the cake back down on the table, and trying to keep her voice calm.

Derek reluctantly nodded.

"I'm sick of being forgotten by everyone who is supposed to matter in my life." She told him.

Derek was shocked by her outburst. He had never known that she felt this way. "I don't forget you Mer." Derek said his eyes unable to hide the hurt.

"You do" she said as she moved to stand, no longer able to sit. "Yes you've been there for m, I know, and with the leukaemia thing you were great, but she's always taken priority. Mom didn't want me. Thatcher didn't want me. None of you wanted me. It was as if you were stuck and every time you could get free you would. I'm the little sister you didn't really want." She said with I sigh. "I was just there."

.......


	22. relief

Addie had finished surgery. Everything had gone smoothly, and while she would have to have Molly come back for the delivery, she wouldn't need to worry.

Removing her scrub cap, and putting her ring back on her finger, she began to move towards the waiting room. It was where she knew she would be able to find Susan, Molly's mother.

Looking down at her watch as she approached the room, she noticed that the surgery had only taken her around 2 hours.

Addie knew that she needed to call Meredith to see if she could get a ride home, before she could change and get her things ready for New York.

Flipping open her phone she was going to call her now, but at that moment her eyes settled on an anxious looking Susan.

Moving towards her, Addie put a smile on her face and slipped her phone back into her lab coat.

"Dr Montgomery." Susan said as she twisted her own hands with nerves.

"Molly is fine."Addie said quickly. "The surgery went well. You can see her in a few minutes, they'll be taking her back to her room."

Susan smiled and Addie watched as the relief washed over her face.

"Dr Montgomery" Susan said as Addie went to turn away.

"Yes" Addie said as she gave her a warm smile.

"Dr Grey, you friend that came by to see you yesterday." She opened.

Addie's eyes widened at the topic first before nodding to tell Susan that she could continue.

"How well do you know her?" Susan asked.

Addie looked around to see if anyone had set her up, but couldn't see anyone.

"I've ummm... i've known her for a long time." Addie answered before clearing her throat.

"Oh Good" Susan said with a nod.

Addie frowned slightly.

"Ummm do you know if i'd be able to meet her?" Susan pressed.

Addie shook her head. "I'm sorry Susan, she's not in today, and wont be back for a few days. She has a family emergency."

Susan nodded. "Thats good, well not good, but ..." Susan trailed off.

Addie shifted uncomfortably.

"I ummm... i have to go." Addie finally said, quickly turning to move off.

"Dr Montgomery" Susan called after her after she had only moved away a short distance. "I hope Dr Greys family is okay."

Addie nodded and continued walking, all she could think was "me too."

gaga gaga

Meredith stands leaning against the front of the car. She had received a call from Addie asking to pick her up and was only too glad to use it as an excuse to break away from Derek. He had tried to argue with her right up until the phone rang. Meredith knew he wouldn't be able to see her point. She also knew though that there was no point in arguing because she was stuck with Jenna anyway.

All four babies were nestled in their car seats, each of them looking around in wonder.

Meredith had made sure to leave the window open so that she could hear if one of them cried, but truly expected for them to be okay.

She watched as Addie exited the building. Her blouse was not tucked in and her hair was pulled back in a loose pony tail.

Meredith smiled softly at the look, and she knew that once they got home the skirt and blouse would be replaced with something more casual and easy to travel in.

Addie tried to smile as she reached Meredith, but could only fall comfortably into her arms, which of course took Meredith by surprise.

Meredith ran her hand through Addie's hair and enjoyed the closeness no matter how unexpected it was.

When Addie finally pulled back she placed a kiss on Merediths cheek. "I'm so glad to see you." She said and her hand came up to cup the side of her face.

Meredith reached up and took her hand before giving it a small squeeze. We've got packing to do." She murmured.


	23. you okay now?

Meredith's bag had been easy to pack, and soon after she had showered and changed into something more comfortable.

Addie had only packed a handful of things which had surprised Meredith, yet Addie had supported her decision by stating that she still had clothes in New York. What Meredith didn't know was that Addie had stayed in their brownstone for the past month.

Now as Addie and Meredith board the flight they carry all of the babies on in their car seats and strapped them in. It wasn't a common protocol for infants, but there really had been no other way to do it as the stroller had gone with the baggage.

Meredith had somehow managed to get herself an aisle seat with the four babies. Addie was stuck on the opposite end, but Meredith hoped that they could make it work.

Sitting on opposite ends, their babies being the great divide, Meredith had never sat so far away from her, especially on a plane. She knew that Addie would get nervous, after all, she hated the take off just as much as the landing. Meredith would normally hold her hand and talk her through it.

The kids had never been on a plane before, but as Meredith looked down at Addie she could see that she already was a shade whiter. As worried as she was about the 5 kids, she couldn't help but freak out about Addie. She hated where they were at right now.

Looking around she noticed that the chair behind Addie was empty. While it wasn't next to her it was obviously better than being on the other side of the plane. Moving across to take the seat she could feel the stewardess looking at her strangely.

Taking the seat, Meredith than reached forward and took Addie's hand. Threading her fingers with hers. She single handed-ly did her seat belt up. Leaning forward to make sure Addie could hear her she whispered an "I love you."

The engine roared as Meredith began tracing circles on Addie's hand, hoping to keep her calm. Addie squeezed her hand as the plane began moving, making its way to the runway.

Meredith could see the kids from where she sat, and she was thankful that the noise hadn't wakened them. She could feel Addie's grip tighten as the plane left the ground.

"I love you, I'm here, I love you, I'm here." Meredith kept whispering to her.

Addie had tears in her eyes as she clung to Meredith. She had always hated flying, and just knowing that Meredith was there for her was making all the difference.

As the plane levelled out and the seat belt light turned off Meredith unclipped her seat belt.

Moving to stand she knew to get to Skye who had began to whimper.

She moved to be equal to Addie, smiling down at Addie she then dipped her head to kiss her softly. Addie's hand moved up to run though Meredith's hair.

Addie's hand moved up to run through Meredith's hair.

"You okay now?" Meredith asked as she pulled away.

Addie nodded.

"Good." Meredith said before returning to her seat.

Addie watched as Meredith walked away. She knew she was lucky that Meredith had came over to her, and that the stewardess had allowed it. As Meredith tended to Skye, handing her a pacifier, Addie smiled as she knew that Meredith's comfort was another step in the right direction.


	24. ignorance

The flight had been long and Meredith ad been lucky to have had any sleep. After comfortig Addie, she had tended to Skye before checking on the others. She had a few nappy changes along the way and trouble calming all of them after they had hit a patch of turbulence.

Now as she wheeled the babies through Luggage claim and began to look around for Archer Montgomery, a feeling of dread swelled up through her. She could only imagine waht she and Addie would see when they reached Olivias side.

Addie trailed behind now, dragging the suitcase, with her own bag having been tucked under the compartment of the pram.

They were both exhausted, but Meredith knew that they would be driving straight past their house and to the hospital. That Archer had oranised for Addie to have special privileges because it was already destined that she would march into the room and demand rights to do the examination.

Meredith felt slightly guilty. All she wanted to do was to go home and sleep. Of course, she had already accepted that it would be a long night.

"Hey sleepy head." she head Archer call, and she spotted him standing next to some woman, handing her his card. She could seee despite his usual facade that she was obviously worried by everything that had happened.

He excused himself from his "lady friends" company before moving over to brushing his lips briefly over Merediths cheek before moving on to Addie. He took the suit case from her before beginning to talk quietly with her.

"Lets get you guys to Mount Sinai" she finally heard him say before moving to walk away from them.

Addie shrugged at her before moving to follow him. Neither stayed to help Meredith with the overloaded stroller, or the four babies inside.

"He could have acknowledged you guys." she murmured to her sleepy children before sadly trailing on behind.

gagaga agaga gagagag gagaga

They had all travelled in the little people mover that Archer had hired, although he had complained that it was crushing his image.

Again Meredith had been left to load the babies into the car, while Addie and Archer talked quietly in the front. She couldnt help but wonder whether she actually existed to them.

They had not included her in any of their conversation and when they arrived at the hospital they had walked in, again leaving her to tend to the babies.

At first Meredith had thought that she could handle it. That the ignorance was worry, but when Addie didnt even turn around to see if she was coming, and had instead diappeared inside the hospital, she didnt have the energy.

She was tired, too tired, and now she was being left unassisted with 4 babies.

Knowing that she couldnt handle anymore of this, she dialed a maxi taxi and had them transport her to her broanstone.

She didnt text Addie, she couldnt if she wanted to, besides that she couldnt really be bothered. Her only wonder was how long would it take for her to realise that she was not coming up, and in fact, was no longer at the hospital, and neither were the babies.


	25. you dont care

Elliot had been elieved to see Addie. He had never been so relieved in all of his life. He had watched as she walked in and pretty much demanded to do the examination, taking control of everything. When Meredith wasnt with her he fought the temptation to ask. But Olivia, who was trying so hard to keep her mind off of what had happened to her did. He was surprised to see Addie brush it off with a "getting the kids from the car".

Olivia met Elliots eyes, and he knew that she was worried about Meredith, even if Addie wasnt.

15 minutes later, when Meredith still hadnt arrived and Elliot and Archer had been asked to step out of the room, he decided to go looking for her. Fear stewed in the depths of him, especially when security at the front door said that no woman had entered pushing a pram.

Reaching the parking lot, he looked around nervously. His body aching and his mind full of possibilities.

He turned, heading back through the building, aiming to go back and ask Archer He couldnt believe that neither of them were worried.

Archer, when Elliot got back, was leaning against the nurses desk talking to one of the staff. Elliot smacked him on the back of the head and then dragged him away.

It wasnt until he slammed Archer up against the wall that he let him go.

"Whats your problem?" Archer asked as he rubbed the back of his head.

"You and your fucking sister left Meredith to bring up 4 babies alone." Elliot cursed.

Archer simply shrugged. "So?"

"So she's not here." Elliot said through gritted teeth. "You left her ALONE in a NEW YORK car park to bring up 4 babies, and not only is she not here, but door security hasnt even seen her."

Archer didnt knw what to say, he just couldnt comprehend anything happening to her.

"and you dont care" Elliot said as he shoved him again. "Typical"

Turning, he stormed back towards Olivia's oom, pushing his way in quickly. He didnt look around the room, or at Addie who was positioned between her sisters legs. He just looked straight at Livvy, his eyes meeting hers.

"Meredith didnt come up. No one has seen her, or the kids. there is no sign of them." he told her. "I'm going to look for her. Lets hope i find them in one piece."

Elliot the moved forward, dropping a kiss on Olivia's lips.

Livvy looked at her sister and then shook her head. She couldnt hide the disappointment that she was feeling. Knowing that her sister had just done what she did.


	26. if push came to shove

Meredith felt weird being back in the house. A house that still seemed very lived in despite the fact that it had been empty for a year. It also smelt like Addie and seemed not as dusty as it probably should.

She had managed to get all the babies down okay not bothering to change them, before having hit the shower.

Now as she makes her way down the stairs, she aims to get a throw rug out of the cupboard and curl up ont he couch. She had the new Patricia Cornwell novel in her hand, having only just been put on to it by Preston, who knew that she would enjoy them.

The thought of going to bed briefly crossed her mind yet she had ruled it out knowing that it was highly unlikey that she would actually sleep.

After acquiring the blanket and settling on the couch, Meredith opened her book to the page she had dog eared ealrier She had only managed to read 10 pages so far because she had just begun reading it when Addie had returned to Seattle.

Picking up where she left off should have been an easy task. But as the first few sentences filtered through her mind as did the sound of someone knocking on the door.

Letting out a sigh, she put down her book ad moved towards the door. Peeking through the peep hole she couldnt help but frown at the sight of the man standing on the otherside.

Pulling the door open, she stepped back to let him in, and as he entered she heard him let out a sigh of relief.

"El" she said softly as she closed the door, looking at his slumped shoulders and worn face.

"Thank God you are here." he said with a heavy breath.

Meredith watched as he turned to face her and pulled her into a hug.

"When you didnt come up Liv and I were worried." he told her, "and the longer it was, the more i freaked." he said.

Meredith nodded in understanding. She knew that she should have at least made an appearance but had not wanted to make a scene.

When Elliot pulled back, she led him into the loungeroom. "The bobsy twins were being that ignorant, and you know what they can be like." she murmured. "Archer didnt even acknowledge the kids. They pretty much entered their own little world."

Elliot nodded in understanding. He had guessed that something like that must have happened.

"So what now?" he asked.

"We will have it out in the morning." Meredith admitted. "I may have tolerated ut before the kids, but like hell will i put up with it now." she told him. " not when i have babies to think of."

Again Elliot nods, he knows that this has been a long time coming. That with the last 6 months in mind... he knew that Meredith was tired, and she'd prefer to be out of this than to be the only one really wanting this.

"She says she loves me." Meredith says as if reading his chain of thought, "she just needs to start showing it."

Elliot reaches for Merediths hand. He knew that if push came to show that he and Livvy would support her 100 percent.


	27. the only one

Addie entered the house at 5 am. The house was in complete and utter silence. She was not sure if she should expected anything less.

When Elliot had returned, his tired face looked troubled further, and she had been relieved when he had told her that Meredith had gone home.

She had tried calling her after that, but she soon found out that Meredith left her phone in the car, and had indeed unplugged the hosue phone.

Not sure what kind of mood she would find Meredith in, she moved through the house and up the stairs. She checked in all the rooms, noting that the babies wer still asleep

before trudging throug to the room where she had figured she would find Meredith.

When she foud her asleep Addie sighed. She them moved forward, brushing her lips against hers before pulling back and heading for the shower.

gagaga

Meredith ad woken to the feeling of Addies lips against her own but she hadnt said anything. She had to wait for Addie to step into the shower, knoing that she needed

to stay strong to put her plan into action.

On hearing the shower turn on she climbed off of the bed, and with baby monitor in hand she headed for the kitchen, setting their old coffee maker to work.

Meredith then moved to sit infront of their bay indows, the papers set down beside her and the baby monitor beside that as she watched the people move past on their

morning jog.

Meredith hadnt really moved from the spot, only to take a short break to pour herslf a coffe and then she found solace being back in the same position. She held the coffee

cup tightly in her hand as the smell surrounded her.

It was in this position that Addie had found her, eyes still fixed outside to the people running around central park.

Addie had moved quick to the coffee machine, pouring herself a cup before going to sit beside her. She was yet to notice the papers beside Meredit, still oblivious to what was about

to happen.

She had briefly looked up at Meredith before she too shifted her gaze and began to look out the window.

"I tried to call." Addie opened, not having been able to read Merediths body language.

"Was that before or after Elliot came looking for me." Meredith asked, still not bothering to look at her.

"Mer" Addie started, before Meredith turned to look at her, effectively cutting her off.

"When it was just me i tolerated it. I played pretend and i tolerated it. But now, upstairs, there are 4 beautiful babies who dont deserve what you did, and quite frankly, neither do i" Meredith said as she moved to stand.

Addie looked at her in shock, not having expected her little speech.

"You need to work out what you want. I'm tired of being the only one in this relationship. If you want it over then sign the papers. I'm not going to fight for someone who doesnt want to fight for me." she said as strongly as she could. Handing Addie the file, Meredith then put her mug on the sink before heading upstairs to shower.

Leaving Addie alone with the file.


	28. you've done the right thing

Meredith hadnt been able to fight the tears when she reached the shower. They had came down freely as she sat on the floor under the spray thinking about what she had done.

Now as she entered the hospital pushing the babies in the pram, she was preparing herself for what could possibly be one of the hardest things to see.

Addie had been gone when she had come back down stairs, she had left Merediths mobile phone on the counter near the bags, and the file was gone. She could have only hoped that this didnt mean that Addie had made the decision to leave her.

Entering the elevator, Meredith moved as far into the back as she could, wanting to let other people access the elevator too.

She had recognised a few faces when they had stepped on, but no one that she or addie had really been friends with. She hated how much she was feeling alone, but knew that if Addie had decided to leave then she would need to get used to the idea.

Moving off of the elevator and down the hall, she paused to ask a nurse which room Olivia was i before continuing.

She mentally tried to prepare herself for what she was about to see, knowing that Rape victims could be beaten black and blue.

She knocked lightly before pushing the door open. On seeing Elliot curled up on the bed asleep next to a battered Olivia, she decided to not disturb them. She turned, reaching to pull the door closed when Olivia spoke.

"Hey you can come in." she said, her voice kind of croaky.

Meredith looked at Elliot, "no its fine, you should probably be sleeping too." she replied.

"Mer, get your arse in here. I want to see me nieces and nephews." Olivia said sounding slightly stronger.

Meredith looked down at the babies before looking into the room. Letting out a sigh, she pulled out the rug and moved into the room before placing it on the floor before proceeding to place them all down on the blanket. After doing that she made sure to give them their favourite toy then unloaded the pram. She folded it up and brought it into the room.

Once she was sorted she sat down on the floor with them.

Meredith looked nervously up at Olivia, who had moved onto her side and was looking down at her.

"They've grown." Olivia commented, and Meredith smiled up at her before watching Sky reach for lily.

"It's been a while Liv." Meredith replied.

Meredith ran a hand over Harry's head before looking up at Olivia again.

"She's already been in." Olivia said quietly "and now she's gone somewhere to think." she added.

Meredith closed her eyes.

"So i know Mer, and just so you know, you've done the right thing."

Meredith opened her eyes and shook her head. "I'm not too sure about that." she murmured. "There shouldnt be anything for her to think about."

"There isnt really." Olivia said quietly. "She's already made her decisions Mer, and its the best for both of you."

Meredith looked wearily up at Olivia.

"Promise?" she asked before looking back down at the babies.

"Promise." Olivia sighed as she felt Elliot tighten his hold on her.


	29. possibilities

Meredith had stayed in Olivia's room all morning and she had tried not to stress about Addie and the decision that she may have made.

Taking the step that hse had done this morning had taken years of being cast aside and 6 months of complete loneliness.

It had been more that she could take. Yes Addie had stuck by her side with the whole Leukeamia thing, but now she just felt that they were lost.

There was a time when Meredith would have said that Addie was her whole world and if she had ever been asked if they would ever seperate she would have laughed, but today, in this moment right now, she would have to say yes because it could happen.

The life that had once been theirs seemed so far away and even though it lived in her memory, she wasnt sure that it was enough.

Meredith had been deep in thought for a while as the babies had dozed off and Elliot and Liv were still resting.

The quiet had been enough to encourage her to think of all that had been and what could possibly be instore for them.


	30. the package or nothing

Merediths thoughts were broken by the clacking of high heels on the cold hard hospital floors. She wouldnt normally be alert by the sound except the fact that the owner of the said high heels was now standing in front of her.

Her eyes wandered up the jean clad legs to the blue sweater that the woman wore, and then met the owners eyes.

"Stand up" she spoke, causing Meredith to glance over at the bed at Olivia and Elliot before quickly looking at the babies to see that they were still sleeping.

"Stand up" the woman repeated again, and this time Meredith stood, more that prepared to be handed signed papers.

"Addie" she finally spoke, but was silenced when Addie signlaed that she didnt want to hear it.

"You had your turn this morning." she spoke. "Now this is my turn."

Meredith sighed, but gave a nod. She had no idea what she was about to hear.

"I'm going to see if i can quote what you said this morning." Addie stated, trying to remember Merediths exact words. "You said to me that i 'needed to work out what i want' and that 'you weren't going to fight for someone who wasnt going to fight for you'" she added.

Meredith nodded hearing ehr exact words whirl around in her head.

"Well this Meredith." Addie said as she handed her a box "is me fighting for what i want."

Meredith looked at her confused before taking the box that Addie was holding out to her.

She untied the bow that was holding the lid in place before opening the box.

Merediths confusion grew further, not knowing what to think of the mass of shredded paper inside.

"I decided not to sign them." Addie clued her in.

"So you shredded them?" Meredith asked in disbelief.

"No point keeping them." Addie told Meredith as she removed the box from her hands and put it down on the couch before pulling Meredith to her. "This is me fighting Mer." Addie told her as she captured Merediths lips, making it a deep one right from the start.

Meredith felt a wave of relief wash over her as she considered what could have been if Addie had signed.

Pulling back Meredith looked at Addie, 1000 questions now whirling though her head.

"Why? Where?" she kept starting but was never sure how to finish the question.

"I love my brother Mer." Addie told her, "and i know the way i treat you when i am with him. Its wrong. I also know that the way that we both abandoned you last night was dangerous." she sighed. "I'm sorry about that. None of my family will be an issue again." she promised.

"What are you saying Addie?" Meredith asked, not completely sure of what she had meant by her last statement.

"I spoke to my family." Addie told her. "You dont need all of the details, just know that my parents will be in later to meet our children."

Meredith didnt know what to say.

"I've always loved you Mer, and we've been great and had our little bubble, but my family didnt accept that, well most." Addie said honestly. "But they were told to choose the package or nothing and they surprised me."

Meredith could see the tears in Addie's eyes.

"Mer" Addie said quietly.

Meredith looked at her nervously.

"Im so sorry you had to do that." Addie said quietly as she raised a hand to Merediths cheek.

Meredith leant into her hand. "Its going to be okay." she sighed. "Youre here now."


	31. cissy

When Olivia and Elliot woke, they opened their eyes to a rather unexpected sight.

Meredith was curled up in Addies arms on the couch as all the babies sat in their reassembled stroller chewing on rusks.

Addie was drawing circles on Merediths stomach as she whispered in her ear. Neither Elliot nor Olivia could hear what was being said.

Olivia thought of saying something, glad to see Meredith back in Addies arms. It was something that the couple would only do around them.

"How are you feeling?" Elliot fiinally asked her as she turned to look at him.

"I've felt better." Olivia told him as she leant into him. Elliot moving to hold her tighter.

"I'm sorry i wasnt there." Elliot said, letting out a big sigh, his body shaking slightly.

"I know" Olivia murmured, tears welling as she tried to fight them. "But you're here" she murmured. "your here."

Elliot ran a hand downher back, drawing her closer still.

"Olivia" they heard a voice from the door. Olivia recognised the voice instantly and buried herself further into her husbands arms.

"Mom" Addie said as she looked up from her spot and for the first time she idnt move away from Meredith, in fact, she moved to hold her tighter.

"Addison" her motehr acknowledged as she moved further into the room, but to her surprise she headed for Olivia.

"Excuse me Elliot." their mother spoke. The same woman, who on turning 21, were told to call her cissy.

Elliot looked up at his mother in law and expected to see a scowl but was surprised to see her softer facial features.

"Cissy" Elliot said, not letting fo of Olivia.

"Let me see what they have done to her. Let me see my baby." she pleased.

Eliot loosened his grip on his wife as he moved away, encouraging her to roll over.

"Your father is already organising the best attorney we have to make sure the horrendous fool fries." Cissy told her as she moved closer to the exposed Olivia.

"Cissy" Elliot opens. His intent was to tell her that they had it covered that the unit was going to send the bastard to hell.

"Please Elliot just let him do this." Cissy states as she reached a hand down to run across her daughters swollen cheek. "I'm so sorry baby." Cissy murmured, leaning down to kiss her daughters cheek. "I'm so sorry.,"

Moments of quiet passed. Everyone was still as Cissy ran her hand through Olvias hair, mothering her, or with every intent to. No one knew what to say. This to Olivia and Elliot hd been a rather unexpected show of affection, but to Addie, it had been the result of a much needed conversation of which she had participated in that morning.

"Now Addie, Meredith, i do believe that you have blessed me with four grandchildren." Cissy spoke, her eyes sparkling in a way neither girl had ever seen.

Before Meredith could say anything Cissy had waltzed over to the stroller and began to look at each baby. "Well are you going to tell me about them?" Cissy asked.

"Cissy" Meredith sighed as she pulled the stroller back, hearing the babies giggle.

'Mer" Addie said softly and Merediths eyes met her pleading ones.

"Ok" Meredith sighed, knowing that she should be a willing participant. "well...." Meredith said before looking to Addie.

Addie moved from her place beside Meredith and stood by her mom in front of the babies.

"This is Harry, Lucas, Lily and Skye." she told her mother. "They are now 6 months old."

Cissy studied then babies before looking up at Meredith. "They look happy and healthy. " she stated. "You've done well."

"It's a team effort." Meredith told her. "While Addie was away, i had the help of friends and my family."

Cissy nodded before straightening up and looking down at her watch. "Girls i should call your father. I'm sure he will want to come in and see you all." she told them. "So just excuse me for a moment."

All 3 grls looked at her. Elliot looked between them all as they watched her leave the room. No one knew what had just happened. Whether she had been offended, or whether she had been coming to see whether the babies actually existed. The only thing they really should have been concerned about was whether their father was coming to visit.


	32. promises

Cissy had been gone for a while and everybody was beginning to wonder whether she was even coming back.

Both partners had fallen abck into their own private conversations with Meredith again laying back in Addie's arms while Olivia was now talking quietly to Elliot as he typed a message through to their boss.

"So she's been and seen." Meredith spoke, breaking Addie's initial train of thought.

"She'll be back." Addie said confidently. " now as i was saying, i think that maybe we should get a new place, one with a decent size yard and maybe a dog, something that the kids would play with, and enough rooms so that they each will have their own, and oh, oh, oh, we need to get a new bed, and maybe we should spend a weekend in wime country enjoying our togetherness." Addie continued before slipping a hand underneath Merediths top while her other moved to tilt Merediths head up to face her so she could kiss her yet again.

Meredith sighed lightly against her mouth before pulling away. "That all sounds great Addie, but your're forgetting two things." she spoke.

Addie looked at her, waiting for her to go on.

"We have a house, two to be exact, and we also have room mates, people who have been there for me while you were away. I cant just forgt about them." she said honestly.

"But Mer, we need to do this." she murmured, "i promised."

Meredith looked at Addie confused. "Who and What did you promise?" she asked. "because you've only just decided that we are worth fighting for and all of a sudden you want all this." she said as she moved to sit up, pulling Addies hand out from under her top. She was trying to keep his conversation quiet and yet knew that Elliot and Olivia had witnessed her quick movements.

"Mer" Addie said softly, reaching for her, trying to pull her back into her arms.

"Who and what did you promise?" Meredith asked again. "Just tell me Addie."

Addie sighed realising that she had dug herself a hole.

"Addie" Meredith said, pleading with her to tell her the truth.

"My fahter" she sighed. "I promised him that we would let him buy us or build us a home, a safe estate where we had everything." she told her.

"Why?" Meredith pushed, "whats the catch?"

"There's no catch." Addie insisted.

"Addie with daddy there is always a catch." Olivia said honestly, not having wanted to speak up, but knowing that it was the truth.

"He wants to do this for us, he says he owes us this." Addie told her. "Said that he needed to make sure that his grandchildren have a large space to grow up."

Meredith looked at Addie, she was doubtful. "There's got to be something you arent telling me."

Addie shook her head but Meredith could see in her eyes that she was hiding something, only problem was that she wasnt sure what.


	33. mulling things over

Meredith shoook her head at Addie. The fact that she was keeping something from her was killing her.

It was bad enough that they had been in he position that they were this morning, but to think that Addie was going to do this already, it made her sick.

She had moved herself far enough away from her, as far as she possibly could considering they were in Olivias hospital room. Her stomach churned and grumbled; a mad mic of hurt and hunger running through it.

She tucked her legs up underneath her, knowing that Addie would keep trying to touch her and coaz her, telling her that there was nothing more to it.

She could feel Olivias and Elliots eyes on her. She knew that they were both concerned, after all, they were the only family that truly made her feel welcome.

She ahted that they were staring at her, that they could so easily see that she was hurting. So much so that she wished that she wasnt so transparent.

Looking at the babies, she could see that the rusks had been discarded and that it was highly likely that they were ready for a bottle. However, with any thought of food her stomach would grumble, and she realised that she hadnt had anything to eat since the morning.

With that thought in mind she stood, moved to her bag and pulled out her purse. She knew that the babies would be alright where they were, but not only did she need to eat, but she also knew that she needed to get away from this. For now she just needed space. Time to mull everything over and try to work out what the hell Adde was doing.

Moving back to the babies she bobbed her head fon, kissing each on of them and whispering promises that she'd be back.

Letting out a small sigh she looked once at Addie, shaking her head at her before looking away.

"Mer" Addie said quietly, pleading for Meredith to say something.

Meredith shook her head again before walking out, hoping that she could avoide this until she worked out how to deal with everything.

gagaga


	34. not now

Meredith had been gone for half an hour and Addie knew that the half hour was probably what she needed to calm down. There of course were things that she needed to tell her, but it was hard for her to admit her fears and explain the promise to her.

When her mother had come back she had commented on Merediths absence but didnt push too much. That was before she had told them that their father would be there as soon as he had finished in his meeting.

Addie knew that it could take a while and prayed that Meredith was back by then. She didnt know what was going on in her head.

Her mother had sat quietly in the room, quite content with just being there. Olivia and Elliot had sat up, and Addie took down her obs before updating her chart. They had all tried something to help kill the painful silence.

The babies had all been content too. But it hadnt stopped Addie from feeling rattled. She had never been left alone with them. Hell she had been absent for the whole 6 months of their lives. They didnt really know her.

Addie had begun to watch the clock as Cissy mved towards the babies. Addie hadnt been paying much attentio. She was still too worried about Meredith and how long it would take for her to come back.

Addie was brought back to the moment after her mother had tickeled one of the babies feet, causing the child to cry.

She moved quick, but her mother beat her to it as she had swiftly unbuckled the baby and scooped her up in her arms.

"Shit" she cursed when she noticed that the baby in her mothers arms was Skye.

"Addie" er mother scolded at the use of the Language in front of the children.

Addie sighed. "sorry" she murmured. "its just that you've chosen the wrong one to upset."

"Why?" Cissy asked as she tried to calm skye, bouncing her slightly and rubbing her back.

Addie looked at Olicia and Elliot before looking to the door hoping to see Meredith, but on not seeing her she looked back at her mother and daughter. "She's just used to Mer." Addie sighed before offering to take her, hoping that they could calm her down.

mhmhmhmhmhmhmhm

Meredith could hear Skye crying fromt the moment she stepped off of the elevator. Anyone who didnt know her would be wondering what cruel act would make a baby scream the way that Skye was. Meredith knew that the other babies would be on the verge of crying now and it really would be hell, especially if she ahd to try and settle them all.

Rushing down the hall, she approached the room hoping that she would be able to get Skye settled real soon.

"What happened?" she asked as she entered the room and quickly took Skye out of Addie's arms.

"Mom tickled her foot." Addie said looking flustered and stressed.

Meredith shook her head, she should have known that it had been something stupid.

Meredith began to bounce Skye slightly, whispering soothing words in her ear. She tried her best to let her know that she was safe and that 'Mommy had her'.

Meredith knew that she couldnt be too hard on either of them. Neither of them knew that Skye hated her feet being touched. "addie should." she thought to herself, "and would if she hadnt ran away."

On thinking that Meredith knew that she needed to stop doing such things as being too negative in regards to this woulf put a definite end to them.

Meredith looked up and met Addies worried eyes. She knew that Addie wished that she could do something to help.

Letting out a small sigh she reached out and gave Addies hand a squeeze, noting that Skye had calmed down. "Sensitive feet." she told Cissy before kissing Skye on the top of her head.

Addie looked at Meredith, meredith could see that she was grateful.

Meredith dropped her hand and moved towards the couch, keeping Skye in her arms. She figured that while she had her, she may as well feed her.

She looked up at Addie not sure if she wanted to say something about earlier or not. Deciding not to, she quickly asked for her to get the baby bag.

"Mer" Addie spoke nervously, looking around at her family.

"Not now." she told her as she took out what she needed from the bag. "Not here."


	35. mistakes

Nigel stood in the door way looking in at his family. He had fought the idea of Addie being with a girl for so long that it was wierd now looking at the ready made family. At one sage he had hoped that it was a phase that she would come out of, but as time passed he was beginning to see that it wasnt going to happen.

This morning when she had came knocking on their door and made a stand, she had reassured him that this was what she wanted and that this is what she was fighting for.

He smiled at Addie as she nursed what appeared to be a baby boy. A boy that looked very much like himself when he was a baby. She looked so natural, and the baby seemed quite comfortable there. Even though she had been absent for 6 months, as she had confided this morning, the connection sh had with the child did not show.

Finally he decided to move into the room, making his presence known.

He looked over at Olivia for the first time since what felt like forever. "How is my favourite public servant?" he asked.

Olivia looked up in surprise, she hadnt expected to see him, or for him to address her.

"Sore, tired, the list goes on." she murmured as she reached for Elliots hand. He had moved to a chair earlier as he had been helping Meredith and Addie by feeding Lucas ( that moment had been enough to make her want one of their on.)

Nigel nodded before saying Elliots name in the only greeting he could muster. Both men had butted heads on many occassions. Nigel knew that Elliot was a good guy, but his status wasnt what he had hoped for. He had hoped that Olivia would fall for a lawyer, one that was good enough to support her so she didnt have to work. He hated that she was a SVU detective and that she was exposed to peadophiles and rapists. He had feared that this would happen and now it had.

Nigel then turned to Meredith and Addie. A smile spread across his face at the sight of Addie still holding the baby boy. "Now who do you have here?" he asked as he moved closer, bobbing his head down to look at his grandson.

"Harry" Addie almost shyly.

Nigel smiled as he scooped the young boy out of her arms and stood up with him. "He's healthy." he stated as he looked to Meredith.

"They all are" she murmured, and Nigel could tell that she was unsure how to take the comment.

"You've done a great job." he told her with a courteous nod.

Olivia had laid back in the bed and had watched as her father had gone all gooey eyed around the babies. She didnt know how to feel, especially with the bare acknowledgement of her existence, or of Elliots. It seemed as though only the babies existed.

She had laid back and watched him act like he had never acted with them as kids and wondered what the hell had gotten into her father, and if there was a way to stop him from spiralling completely out of control.

It had been obvious to her that Meredith had felt uncomfortable around her in-laws, Olivia's own parent, ut Olivia hadnt expected anything different considering how her parents had never completely opened up and accepted her before. Their eyes had met more that twice during the time, both with expressions of alienation. Neither of them wanted to be there or even knew how and where they could go to escape.

"Now on another note." he father spoke as her attention returned. "I spoke to your boss and he has allocated both you and Elliot some time off. I have already booked the tickets." she heard him say as her eyes met his. "You get two weeks in Seattle. All expenses paid, with a beautiful hotel and room service. There will be no arguments." he added and Olivia knew that was more for Elliots sake that her own.

"With all due respect." Elliot started.

"Please Elliots, im not a man who likes to admit to making mistakes." Nigel stated. "but i know i have done wrong by my girls and its time for me to open my eyes to their worlds."

Elliot went to say something more but Olivia stopped him, looking at him pleadingly.

"Fine" he grumbled, " as long as we get to go to the space needle."

Nigel nodded and Elliot sighed.

Olivia simply stroked his hand hoping that things wouldnt go so bad.


	36. stop staring

They were home or well their old home. Together they had put the babies to bed and Meredith for a moment was at a loss of what to do. Neither of the had mentioned anything in regards to what had happened earlier, but right now Meredith was exhausted, not quite tired enough for sleep, but still needed some form of rest.

Not really wanting to broach the subject, Merdith knew that the only thing she could do now was wait. If Addie was going to risk everything by keeping things from her then everything that had occured in the morning would be considered a waste.

Moving through the bedroom she eyes the bath tub. It was tempting to jump in the tub and hope that the water would soak up all of the stress. Looking throught the cupboards Meredith was surprised to find them stocked with the aromotherapy candles and bath oils hat they used.

"What the?" Meredith thought, surely Archer hadnt restocked everything for them. Confusion kicked in and Meredith grabbed the things that she needed before running the water.

Lighting the candles; Meredith then turned the lights off. The flames casting a flickering light over the tiled walls. Slipping out of her clothing she then moved to the bath tub. She had already sat the monitor on the bench. Reaching forward she quickly turned off the tap before moving to the other end.

Climbing into the bath Meredith eased herself into the water, letting her body adjust to the heat of the water. It wasnt very often that she ahd the opportunity to just relax. But this is what she needed. She needed moments like these where time could fade away. Leaning up against the back of the tub she closed her eyes and wished she could wash the day away.

Addie stood by the dor looking in at her. She took in the light coloured skin. The thinness of her frwm, which was thinner than she could remember. The lines from her bones that stood out. It was obvioust to Addie that she was somewhat undernurished. It seemed to her that both of their bodies had undergone some changes since they had last been naked in front of each other.

Meredith sank lower in the tub, hoping that the bobbles would cover her body. It felt weird to have Addie looking at her again. It had been so long.

The attempt hadnt gone unnoticed by Addie who wasnt quite sure how to feel about it. However she didnt move off, she remained standing there, taking in the sight in front of her.

Meredith let out a small sigh feeling Addie still lingering at the door. She was not sure what to think of her standing there staring at her.

"Do you want something Addie or are you just going to stand there staring?" Meredith finally asked, opening her eyes and raising them to meet Addies.

"Im good here." Addie said at first.

Meredith looked her over before finally deciding that she was not able to relax with Addies eyes analysing her. A she moved to stand, not even bother to shield her body from Addies gaze, she let out a sigh of frustration.

"We used to have our best conversations in that tub." Addie spoke up as Meredith pulled a warm towel around her body.

"That was a long time ago." Meredith said as she walked past her and into the bedroom where she proceeded to gather her pyjamas so she could get dressed.

"Mer" she heard Addie sigh as she flopped down on the bed.

"No" Meredith said to Addie. "I'm going to put on my jammies, check on the kids, and go to bed. If you finally decide to tell me what is really going on then tell me, because im sensing that there is more than what i think."

The towel than dropped away from Merediths body exposing her arse. She heard Addie take in a deep breath as she slipped on her pants.

"Stop staring" Meredith bossed as she pulled her singlet top over her head.

"Im allowed to" Addie sulked like a spoiled child. "im your wife."

Meredith turned and looked at her. "You say that like it means something." she scolded. "I dont know why you just didnt sign those damn papers."

She could see that her words had upset Addie. "What do you want from me?" Addie askedd.

"The truth" Meredith murmured. "It would be a good start." she added before walking away towards the nursery.

a/n it was commented on a few of my chapters that my grammar sucked, and i assure you it probably does.

i apologise for that, but i type my updates when i have the chance and dont always have time to proof read them.

i will take that time if i end up writing a novel

cheers katie


	37. dont leave me again

When Meredith returned from checking on the babies - who were still fast asleep - she found Addie curled up in their bed reading a book.

Sighing, she pulled her hair out of the tie and let it fall around her face. She wasn't sure if she wanted to get into bed with her or not. She still felt as though Addie was lying to her.

She absently looked at the bed, or more so, her space in the bed. I appeared that Addie really did think that they would be sleeping together tonight.

"You can jump in, I won't bite." Addie told her as she glanced up from her book.

Meredith rolled her eyes at her; trust her to joke while they were in this situation.

Meredith watched as Addie closed up her book and took off her glasses before looking at her pointedly. "Just get into bed." Addie told her as she too loosened her hair.

Meredith inched towards the bed until she was standing directly beside it. "I don't think I can share a bed with you." She told her before sitting down on the beds edge this time she couldn't bring herself to look at Addie.

"Meredith please." Addie said quietly, her voice slightly strained.

"I can't Addie." Meredith replied. "The last time we slept in the bed together I thought we would be together forever."

"And we can." Addie said as she rolled onto her side and contemplated whether she should reach out and touch her.

"Not when you hide things from me." Meredith murmured.

Addie took a deep breath before letting out a sigh. "I intended on telling you this afternoon Mer." She told her "but you don't sit still long enough and there is no easy way to say this."

"What?" Meredith asked as she now turned to look at her.

"The house" Addie said as she tried to keep a calm voice. "My promise to dad."

"Yeah" Meredith said weakly.

"Is because they are scared that the cancer will come back." Addie confessed. "And if it does, and something happens, they want to know that both you and the kids awe looked after. That you will have a safe roof over your heads."

"But" Meredith started, hating the very thought of Addie being sick again and being gone for good. Tears were welling in her eyes with the thought.

"Now you see why I didn't want to tell you in front of Olivia and Elliot? Because I didn't want to worry them."

Meredith sighed as she looked over at Addie. "Do you think you are going to get sick again?" She asked.

Addie shrugged her shoulders. "Do you?" she replied.

Meredith too shrugged her shoulders not wanting to think about either of them being re diagnosed.

My happiness.... my happiness... my happiness.... my happiness....

She had thought that spending the night back in her partner's arms that she would have had peaceful dreams, but the nightmarish flashes on her future had been enough to keep her tossing and turning all night.

Now as she rolled over expecting to see her wife, she found the bed empty and felt her heart begin to speed up, trying not to panic.

She looked around the room hoping to find a clue as to where she might have gone, but on finding nothing, and noticing that the baby monitor was also gone, she began to panic further.

Scrambling out of bed, she neglected any foot wear and began the dash to the baby's room. She had no idea why she was looking there, but she figured that it was instinct.

Finding the cots bare, the knowledge that the babies were gone tore through her and she did not know what to do. She didn't want to assume the worse, but she wasn't sure what else to do.

Her heart began beating furiously against her chest, her mind began racing, trying hard to think of the places where they could be, and too scared to consider that she could have taken the babies and ran.

Moving down the stairs she began to call out to Addie, hoping that she would answer her.

She ran down the hall, looking in to the rooms, hoping to catch a glimpse of them.

It wasn't until she reached the gym room that she found them. It seemed as though Addie was doing what used to be her regular morning workout. She had her iPod plugged in and she was jogging to the music.

The babies were all seated in the chairs directly in front of the treadmill so Addie could keep an eye on them.

Meredith let out a sigh of relief as she entered the room, moving to kiss all 4 babies. She then looked at Addie who had a smile on her face.

Meredith moved towards her and watched as Addie flicked off the machine and reached for her sweat towel.

After Addie had wiped her face over, she completely took in the look on Meredith's face.

"Mer" she asked as she stepped off of the tread mill and moved towards her.

"Don't leave."Meredith murmured as flashes of her dream came back to her. "Don't leave me again."


	38. 5 years later

5 YEARS LATER

Skye bounced down the stairs followed closely by Lily, Lucas and Harry. They had all just been up stairs getting ready for their first day of school. Meredith had helped them chose out their outfit while Addie had stayed downstairs cooking the breakfast.

Meredith watched her children closely as she followed them down the stairs. She couldn't believe that today would be their first day of Kindergarten. It seemed like time had flown.

"Don't rush" Meredith sighed as she thought about all that had happened once the kids were born, and even more so since Addie's return.

After that first night of being in bed together, even after everything that had happened, Addie had taken the time to sit down with her and showed her the photos that she had collected, stating that she had Bailey forward them as well as having a private investigator tail her every so often so she could get reports on how Meredith was going and the well being of the kids. She had explained that she had needed the reassurance that everyone was okay because she couldn't have been able to handle the thought of the damage that her leaving may have done.

Meredith hadn't known what to think when she had seen the photos. She had still been hurting that Addie had left, but it made her feel better knowing that Addie had still cared.

"Quick, through to the kitchen." Meredith urged her children knowing that Addie would want to see them before they went outside and ate.

Skye quickly ran in, her head thrown back as she giggled with excitement. She had chosen out a fairy costume at first, but after some gentle coaxing, Meredith and happily changed her outfit to a pair of little denim shorts and a little miss giggles shirt.

Lily who was following closely behind Skye was in a little gypsy skirt and short sleeved top. Her hair flowed in little waves down her back.

Lucas and Harry were giggling mischievously. Meredith knew that they were completely excited about starting school today, but was worried by the stories that Alex and Derek had told them about school. Lucas was wearing an adorable pair of red astro boy shoes, denim shorts and a little black astro boy shirt while Harry had put up a fight to wear his bob the builder outfit with Meredith finally relenting as long as he left his hat and tool belt at home.

When Meredith entered the kitchen she wasn't at all surprised to find that Addie had already finished packing their lunches into their bags and was helping them put their bags on their backs. "Breakfast is outside." She told Meredith with a smile before ushering the kids towards the front door. They then forwarded out into the courtyard that was now filled with their extended family.

After they had brought such a large piece of land and built their home, it seemed as though everyone else had wanted to live with them, and build alongside them. It had slowly become their over little world which was easier for Meredith and Addie in knowing that there was always someone around if they had to get to the hospital for an emergency.

Cissy and Nigel had made sure that the land was completely secure and that the family not only had their own fantastic play set but also a large pool and tennis court were set up within the grounds. They had also surprised everyone by moving out to Seattle a year after Addie's return claiming that it had been time for Nigel to retire and that he wanted to be closer to his grandchildren.

Richard had then purchased a part of the land, claiming that he needed a fresh start because the old house that used to be their family home was far too big without everyone and felt empty. Meredith had known that he need to start over and had been quite thrilled that they had chosen to be so close.

Derek had brought the connecting property and soon after found love in Elisabeth. She was the new cardiologist who came to replace Preston after her had been shot. On finding out that Preston was extending his leave to go visit his mother, claiming that he needed to realign his wants and needs, she stayed. Preston hadn't returned to the position, having decided to stay with his mother in Alabama. He had still called every week to check on her, claiming that he would come back for a holiday soon, but the last thing Meredith had heard was that he had fallen in love with the new chef at his mother's restaurant.

After Olivia had gone though therapy and had been cleared to return to work, they had opted to transfer to Seattle where they then built on the family land. They had been surprised a year later when they welcomes a little girl of their own whom they called Mia.

Now as the kids ran out to the filled table where they were greeted by Bailey and Tucker as well as Christina, Alex ad their little boy Izaak, they had realised exactly how far they had come.

Not many people could remember the time 5 years ago when they thought that this was all over, or talked about the long path that had taken to get them back on track, but what they could remember was the united front that had surprised everyone when they had returned from New York and further more the front that the family had put up when they had come face to face with Thatcher Grey and his new family.

Meredith stood looking over the family that surrounded the table and the pancakes that had been piled on along with the bacon, mushrooms, sausages and hash browns. She was amazed that they had all gotten their happily ever after despite the bumps that they had experienced along the road.

Addie slipped her arms around Meredith, holding her close. Similar thoughts were whirling around in her mind. It was weird to think that their babies were starting school.

Meredith leant into Addie's embrace, and let out a small sigh. "Should we tell them?" she asked despite knowing that it could change everything if they did.

"Nah" Addie replied as she pressed a kiss to Meredith's shoulder. "Let them stay happy a little bit longer."

Meredith let out a small sigh before pulling away, both moving to their spots at the table, both trying to forget the bruises that were covering her body and what they could mean for not only her, but for the people that loved them.

My Happiness... my happiness.... my happiness

The kids walked nervously alongside them as they moved down the hall towards the kinder class room. It was quite amazing to see the contrast in their behaviours now as they got closer to the room.

Meredith could tell that they were getting nervous, and she was worried that there was going to be tears from the kids when they realised that both mommy and mama weren't actually going to be in that same building as them.

Addie had been watching Meredith struggle with the emotions of today, knowing that this was not the only big thing that was on their agenda today, but also that they were supposed to be getting Meredith's lab results soon. The doctor had asked for her to stay in hospital, in fear that she could get sick while her immune system was weaker, but Meredith had refused stating that she had needed to be here for today.

As the small family reached the classroom Meredith and Addie ushered the nervous children through the door just as Meredith's phone sounded. She looked at the caller, at first tempted to silence it until she noticed who was ringing. "I've got to take this." She murmured shooting Addie a look before stepping from the room.

Addie had nodded nervously before encouraging the kids to hang their bags up in their assigned cubbies. Each had already been labelled with their names.

After doing so, Addie had encouraged them to follow her to meet with their teacher again.

It was while she was there that Meredith had re-entered the room with tears in her eyes. She was sure that her heart had stopped as she watched her wife wipe the tears from her own eyes.

Just small steps from the teacher, who was now crouched down talking to the kids Addie, moved to question her.

"All clear." Meredith murmured to her. "Don't know why I'm bruising, but I'm all clear." She told her with relief as she wiped the tears from her eyes again.

Addie's eyes began to well with tears too, relief washing over her as she considered what it could have been.

"Thank god." She murmured as she slipped an arm around Meredith's waist holding her close, too scared to let her go.

"They're going to be fine." The teacher told them as she approached them, misreading the moment the couple had just shared.

Both girls forced a small smile before moving towards the door, having already noticed that the teacher had worked their magic and had them already focused on craft.

"I was scared that I was going to miss all this." Meredith said as she looked back at their children.

"Me too." Addie murmured as she urged Meredith out of the room, wanting to be able to touch her and embrace her with everything that she had, knowing that it was exactly what she was needing.


	39. my happiness

I see your shadow on the street now  
I hear you push through the rusty gate  
Click of your heels on the concrete  
Waiting for a knock coming way too late  
It seems an age since I've seen you  
Countdown as the weeks trickle into days

My happiness is slowly creeping back  
Now you're at home  
If it ever starts sinking in  
It must be when you pack up and go

So you come in and put your bags down  
I know there's something in the air  
How can I do this to you right now  
If you're over there when I need you here

My happiness is slowly creeping back  
Now you're at home  
If it ever starts sinking in  
It must be when you pack up and go

It seems an age since I've seen you  
Countdown as the weeks trickle into days  
I hope that time hasn't changed you  
All I really want is for you to stay

My happiness is slowly creeping back  
Now you're at home  
If it ever starts sinking in  
It must be when you pack up and go

I know I know I know what is inside


End file.
